At deaths grief
Lessons arise
At deaths grief
We learn how to care,
At deaths grief
We grow stronger
At deaths grief
We learn to be strong,
Its death that makes us stronger
At deaths grief
We become better
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139,289 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hey Katnes! Saru here for a hopefully helpful review!
I'm going to get constructive criticism out of the way first so we can get on with what was great about this. I'm going to cover mostly grammar/flow issues.
You repeat the word 'deaths' a lot, and, the way you're using it, it should be 'death's', as it is the grief that belongs to death.
Two lines after this, you say 'we learn to be strong'. These two lines are too similar, and you may want to look into changing one of them.
Again, fix 'its' to 'it's'.
Make sure whatever rules you set for yourself at the beginning of the poem are consistent throughout. You use correct commas sometimes, but not others.
And... that's it for constructive criticism! I really liked this poem!! There were a few small grammar/flow issues, but the message of the poem was clear and meaningful!
Keep writing!
~Saru
These are just suggestions to improve your writing a bit.
I like the repetition used, however, my obsession for correct grammar is telling me, 'Use an apostrophe in, ''At death's grief''.' Also, I think an apostrophe should be used on the line, 'It's death that makes us stronger.' This is just me being a grammar control freak, please don't take offence at my nit-picking.
I think your poem is beautiful and gives a good message. Keep writing, especially pieces with lovely messages like this.
Radrook here for a review. Please feel free to disregard any suggestion deemed not helpful. If I offend, it is not intentional, Apologies if I do. That having been said.
Repetition in poetry as a literary device is OK if it serves a justifisable purpose.
Here are the various ways in which repetition is used in both poetry and prose.
https://literarydevices.net/repetition/
Thanks for sharing this poem which attempts to convince threader that the grief related to a death has a positive effect on the griever’s personality.The poem repeats the term “At death’s grief” in order to follow it with a description of how that grief benefits the griever. It isn’t a poem which is meant to elicit a remembered sorrow, or empathy for those who are undergoing sorrow. It is a poem meant to explain the benefit of undergoing the grief that death of a loved one or friend produces.
Suggestion:
There is are three redundancies that need to be fixed.
1.We grow stronger.
2.We learn to be strong.
3. It is death that makes us stronger
They are all the same thing.
Also, it would have been nice to know exactly in what ways are we made stronger.
The poem should be expanded to include those ways.
Otherwise it will be a collection of a generality repeated three times.
Nevertheless your effort is appreciated and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hey Katnes! up for a review.
at the first note, sorry if anything in my review hurts you. please just ignore it if you want.
the topic is well chosen and is strong enough to create a bold impression. while reading it i understood that you wanted to convey the message that seeing a death and its after things has a strong imprint on one's life and it makes you a stronger person. that's well stated in the poem. but you just highlighted the 'becoming strong' thing too much. its better to use a word once and in the best possible way. i felt that everywhere you just talked about becoming stronger.
other than that, i liked your view. the format was appropriate because it was short as death. death is sudden and then nothing. nothing is left behind except crying people and understanding their true emotions is nearly impossible for others.
at the end, your try is well appreciated. it was good.
hope to read for of you.
~mayo~