Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Science Fiction

12+

Still They Come

by EverLight


With the might of thunder they came from the sky.

Chaos decending from the shadows of night, an unrelenting tide of death

Like shadows they loomed, sillougheted by the blood red horizon

Through all hearts fear swept like the north wind

They had death on their minds, blood on their hearts.

No one believed their veangence

But still they came. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
106 Reviews


Points: 10917
Reviews: 106

Donate
Mon Oct 28, 2019 5:38 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...



Just wanted to say.. before I start reviewing.. that this is very well written. Although there is one thing I missed.. who is “they?”
“They” came from the sky, (which might just as well mean a figurative way of putting that they came rapidly) and you also say that they came back for revenge. Alright. Well if you actually mean that they came from the sky.. are they dragons? Or maybe I’m going too far, and you just mean like some war planes or something. I kinda think it’s related to war.. but still. Who or what is “they?” I’m not really into your style, so I don’t know. It could mean a feeling, it could be aliens.. let’s just say it’s aliens.
So anyways.. grammarly speaking, it’s all pretty well set. Except for “silougheted”. There are some really nice words in your poem tho, like “unrelenting” and some figures which go nicely together like “they had deaths on their minds, blood on their hearts.”
The only things I noticed, is maybe the lack of rhymes. Whether it was purposeful, or just because of lack of rhymes- I don’t know. But I just felt like pointing it out.
Your imagery is perfect though, you really convey with strong words that post apocalyptic setting. And those last two lines are awesome.




EverLight says...


Thank you, and your back! (:
Yep, you guessed it-this is about aliens.



User avatar
21 Reviews


Points: 658
Reviews: 21

Donate
Mon Oct 28, 2019 4:44 pm
Necromancer14 wrote a review...



Wow. This was super superbly done, good job! Great use of vocabulary.

I really like your use of words, like "North wind," "Chaos," "unrelenting," and "loomed," so many awesome words.

Just one spelling error: "sillougheted" is spelled silhouetted. Another really awesome vocabulary word, you just misspelled it.

"They had death on their minds, blood on their hearts."
This line, like most of your lines, was genius. The words you chose do a great job conveying what the aliens are like.

This is a really great poem, good job! (better than I could ever do.)




EverLight says...


Thank you!




We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
— Arthur O'Shaughnessy