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Still They Come

by EverLight


With the might of thunder they came from the sky.

Chaos decending from the shadows of night, an unrelenting tide of death

Like shadows they loomed, sillougheted by the blood red horizon

Through all hearts fear swept like the north wind

They had death on their minds, blood on their hearts.

No one believed their veangence

But still they came. 


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31 Reviews


Points: 2199
Reviews: 31

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Wed Apr 08, 2020 8:47 am
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Alfonso22 wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing this poem concerning an irresistible alien invasion of Earth with the purpose of vengeance. What we did to them is not revealed.Also their appearance is left to our imagination. Are they humanoid? Molluscan? Insect-like? Avian? Reptilian? Or something altogether different.

We are not told. Only a relentless need to seek revenge via slaughter is revealed. Good introduction to a short story or novel!


Suggestions:

One thing that I considered as a reader was the might of thunder. As you know humans have surpassed the thunder with the invention of the atomic bomb. So the reference to might of thunder seemed not as threatening as it was perhaps intended.

Perhaps the might of anti-matter thunder would be far more threatening since we as humans have as yet not been able to harness that power technologically.

Also, perhaps the word "arrived"-might be used in place of “came”. It has more of a poetic elegance to it. IMHO


Very thought-provoking poem. Looking forward to reading more of your work.




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Mon Oct 28, 2019 5:38 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...



Just wanted to say.. before I start reviewing.. that this is very well written. Although there is one thing I missed.. who is “they?”
“They” came from the sky, (which might just as well mean a figurative way of putting that they came rapidly) and you also say that they came back for revenge. Alright. Well if you actually mean that they came from the sky.. are they dragons? Or maybe I’m going too far, and you just mean like some war planes or something. I kinda think it’s related to war.. but still. Who or what is “they?” I’m not really into your style, so I don’t know. It could mean a feeling, it could be aliens.. let’s just say it’s aliens.
So anyways.. grammarly speaking, it’s all pretty well set. Except for “silougheted”. There are some really nice words in your poem tho, like “unrelenting” and some figures which go nicely together like “they had deaths on their minds, blood on their hearts.”
The only things I noticed, is maybe the lack of rhymes. Whether it was purposeful, or just because of lack of rhymes- I don’t know. But I just felt like pointing it out.
Your imagery is perfect though, you really convey with strong words that post apocalyptic setting. And those last two lines are awesome.




EverLight says...


Thank you, and your back! (:
Yep, you guessed it-this is about aliens.



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113 Reviews


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Mon Oct 28, 2019 4:44 pm
Necromancer14 wrote a review...



Wow. This was super superbly done, good job! Great use of vocabulary.

I really like your use of words, like "North wind," "Chaos," "unrelenting," and "loomed," so many awesome words.

Just one spelling error: "sillougheted" is spelled silhouetted. Another really awesome vocabulary word, you just misspelled it.

"They had death on their minds, blood on their hearts."
This line, like most of your lines, was genius. The words you chose do a great job conveying what the aliens are like.

This is a really great poem, good job! (better than I could ever do.)




EverLight says...


Thank you!




Prometheus, thief of light, giver of light, bound by the gods, must have been a book.
— Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves