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Stranger In The Stars

by EverLight


Dear stranger in the stars,

You're name is written on my heart, and soul

And I will always remember you even when I die

Dear stranger in the stars,

You may not know me, but I've watched you

As you sought to avenge the universe,

As you set a quest for knowledge eternal

And you may not know this

but I have too, have sacrificed for the stars

and I too, have sought the wisdom of the cosmos

Dear stranger in the stars

I hope you're name will ever be whispered in the stars

And I hope my love shall walk beside you, whereever you are. 


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150 Reviews


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Sun Nov 17, 2019 4:58 am
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey EverLight! Katja here to review your poem. As always please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make if you find them unhelpful. That being said, let's get into this review~

Overall Thoughts

I really enjoyed reading this poem which tells of a love for someone who has done a great good in the eyes of the narrator. The narrator wishes this person to feel their love despite never having met them. Very fantasy-like poem with a superhero-admirer feel to it~

Suggestions

I suggest breaking the poem into stanzas at the repetition of "Dear stranger in the stars"


but I have too, have sacrificed for the stars


Here, you can remove "have" altogether or reword it as "I have also sacrificed for the stars"

whereever


This should be "wherever"

That's all I Have for suggestions!

Summary

Your poem is very nicely done and the narrative itself reminds me of a movie or just overall fantasy story where a superhero's deeds draws admiration and the admirer wrote this poem for the superhero- if that makes sense. I think it's very cute and poetic for sure. I especially like the final line where the narrator hopes for their love to be with the person they admire. Well done! :)

I hope my review was helpful,

Keep Writing,

~Katja




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Fri Nov 15, 2019 2:57 pm
Raelyn says...



i am gonna come back and review but this is amazing everlight.




EverLight says...


Thank you. (;



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Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:46 pm
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MiniGem26 says...



This is amazing, I will review it later. Keep writing.




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Thu Nov 14, 2019 1:42 pm
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Softballgirl333 wrote a review...



Hello Again Everlight!

~Suggestions~

- My First Suggestion is to try and break the poem up a little bit, I know it's a shorter poem, but I think it would help the flow a bit better if you broke up the pom into a new stanza each time you say "Dear Stranger in the Start"

- Secondly, for the very last line "And I hope my love shall walk beside you, whereever you are." I would suggest taking out the ",wherever you are" and move it down to its own line for a more powerful ending. Formatting is a very personal preference when it comes to poetry, but I believe your poem could benefit from this.

-Third, In the line "You're name is written on my heart, and soul" the comma before "and soul" is unnecessary and doesn't quite make sense, and in my opinion, makes it block-y with that pause.

-Fourth, in the line "And I will always remember you even when I die" I would take out the "And" at the very beginning because the line line before say "and soul" so "and soul, And" is just repetitive, and I feel like the meaning would be more powerful with just the plain "I will always remember you even when I die."


~Overall~
I really enjoy this poem and the meaning behind it, seeing other comments shows that it i about someone and I think that's beautiful. You have real talent for making your poems and other works flow-y and it's really nice.

As always, you can keep what you want and change what you want, but this poem is fantastic.

Happy Writing,
SBG




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Thu Nov 14, 2019 3:03 am
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redvictory wrote a review...



This is stunning! The imagery is absolutely gorgeous. I have a few grammar things, but that's it! First of all, a common mistake: you used the wrong form of your/you're. Both uses of "you're" should be the possessive "your." Common mistake! Also, "whereever" is mispelled: it should be "wherever.
But those are really little things! I'm a sucker for space/sky imagery. This is just lovely. :) Keep writing!




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Wed Nov 13, 2019 10:57 pm
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Miraculor77 wrote a review...



Hi EverLight!

I'm going to warn you right here: This review might suck. This is (I think) my first time reviewing a poem, so please comment and tell me if you found it helpful in any way.
:)
To start, I really like this poem. I feel it has an unrealistic, almost fantasy element, if taken literally. But most poems aren't, so this could be about someone you may have known in real life, for all I know.

I just found some nitpicks that I wanted to point out.

You capitalized all of the lines except for these:

but I have too, have sacrificed for the stars

and I too, have sought the wisdom of the cosmos

It makes the poem look a bit uneven. Was that your intention?

I also noticed that you used "you're" instead of "your" twice in the poem. "You're" means you+are, and "your" is the possessive form of "you."

You also missed a comma after the second "dear stranger in the stars."

And I hope my love shall walk beside you, whereever you are.

Whoa, that's an amazing last line.
I like how you put a period at the end; it makes the line look a lot more final.

"Whereever" is not a word. The proper spelling would be "wherever." I'm pretty sure that the older-English word used to be "where-ever," which is an option if you want to give the poem a more old-fashioned feeling.

Feel free to ignore my suggestions if you think they're not useful. These are just my thoughts, but in the end, it's still your poem. :)

Overall, I really liked it. The words painted a strange picture in my mind, one with dark blue swirls, glittering stars, and one lone figure walking on a dark gray plain.

I hope this review was at least a little helpful, and as always...

Keep writing
- Mira




EverLight says...


Thank you (:



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Wed Nov 13, 2019 10:30 pm
EverLight says...



@Raelyn if you're reading this, you may guess this poems alternate meaning-DO NOT REVEAL IT.




Raelyn says...


I GOT YOU GIRLY:)



EverLight says...


Do not go calling me girly. But thank you.



StarLord says...


oh i know the meaning of this alright.



EverLight says...


*Gives Loki-like half-grin.




One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
— John Oliver