Dear stranger in the stars,
You're name is written on my heart, and soul
And I will always remember you even when I die
Dear stranger in the stars,
You may not know me, but I've watched you
As you sought to avenge the universe,
As you set a quest for knowledge eternal
And you may not know this
but I have too, have sacrificed for the stars
and I too, have sought the wisdom of the cosmos
Dear stranger in the stars
I hope you're name will ever be whispered in the stars
And I hope my love shall walk beside you, whereever you are.
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139,289 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hey EverLight! Katja here to review your poem. As always please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make if you find them unhelpful. That being said, let's get into this review~
Overall Thoughts
I really enjoyed reading this poem which tells of a love for someone who has done a great good in the eyes of the narrator. The narrator wishes this person to feel their love despite never having met them. Very fantasy-like poem with a superhero-admirer feel to it~
Suggestions
I suggest breaking the poem into stanzas at the repetition of "Dear stranger in the stars"
Here, you can remove "have" altogether or reword it as "I have also sacrificed for the stars"
This should be "wherever"
That's all I Have for suggestions!
Summary
Your poem is very nicely done and the narrative itself reminds me of a movie or just overall fantasy story where a superhero's deeds draws admiration and the admirer wrote this poem for the superhero- if that makes sense. I think it's very cute and poetic for sure. I especially like the final line where the narrator hopes for their love to be with the person they admire. Well done!
I hope my review was helpful,
Keep Writing,
~Katja
i am gonna come back and review but this is amazing everlight.
Thank you. (;
This is amazing, I will review it later. Keep writing.
Hello Again Everlight!
~Suggestions~
- My First Suggestion is to try and break the poem up a little bit, I know it's a shorter poem, but I think it would help the flow a bit better if you broke up the pom into a new stanza each time you say "Dear Stranger in the Start"
- Secondly, for the very last line "And I hope my love shall walk beside you, whereever you are." I would suggest taking out the ",wherever you are" and move it down to its own line for a more powerful ending. Formatting is a very personal preference when it comes to poetry, but I believe your poem could benefit from this.
-Third, In the line "You're name is written on my heart, and soul" the comma before "and soul" is unnecessary and doesn't quite make sense, and in my opinion, makes it block-y with that pause.
-Fourth, in the line "And I will always remember you even when I die" I would take out the "And" at the very beginning because the line line before say "and soul" so "and soul, And" is just repetitive, and I feel like the meaning would be more powerful with just the plain "I will always remember you even when I die."
~Overall~
I really enjoy this poem and the meaning behind it, seeing other comments shows that it i about someone and I think that's beautiful. You have real talent for making your poems and other works flow-y and it's really nice.
As always, you can keep what you want and change what you want, but this poem is fantastic.
Happy Writing,
SBG
This is stunning! The imagery is absolutely gorgeous. I have a few grammar things, but that's it! First of all, a common mistake: you used the wrong form of your/you're. Both uses of "you're" should be the possessive "your." Common mistake! Also, "whereever" is mispelled: it should be "wherever.
Keep writing!
But those are really little things! I'm a sucker for space/sky imagery. This is just lovely.
Hi EverLight!
I'm going to warn you right here: This review might suck. This is (I think) my first time reviewing a poem, so please comment and tell me if you found it helpful in any way.
To start, I really like this poem. I feel it has an unrealistic, almost fantasy element, if taken literally. But most poems aren't, so this could be about someone you may have known in real life, for all I know.
I just found some nitpicks that I wanted to point out.
You capitalized all of the lines except for these:
It makes the poem look a bit uneven. Was that your intention?
I also noticed that you used "you're" instead of "your" twice in the poem. "You're" means you+are, and "your" is the possessive form of "you."
You also missed a comma after the second "dear stranger in the stars."
Whoa, that's an amazing last line.
I like how you put a period at the end; it makes the line look a lot more final.
"Whereever" is not a word. The proper spelling would be "wherever." I'm pretty sure that the older-English word used to be "where-ever," which is an option if you want to give the poem a more old-fashioned feeling.
Feel free to ignore my suggestions if you think they're not useful. These are just my thoughts, but in the end, it's still your poem.
Overall, I really liked it. The words painted a strange picture in my mind, one with dark blue swirls, glittering stars, and one lone figure walking on a dark gray plain.
I hope this review was at least a little helpful, and as always...
Keep writing
- Mira
Thank you
@Raelyn if you're reading this, you may guess this poems alternate meaning-DO NOT REVEAL IT.I GOT YOU GIRLY:)
Do not go calling me girly. But thank you.
oh i know the meaning of this alright.
*Gives Loki-like half-grin.