Like fallen soldiers trees lay to rest,
The forest remains silent and still,
With grief of treasure lost.
The sun rises, the rain pours,
With the promise of new life to come,
in all its magnificent glory.
Yet the forest will never forget those lost,
It never forgets the glory those past have brought,
It never forgets what light those gone gave.
As the raindrops fall the forest weeps,
At the loss of such might.
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Hi there @Katnes I am hear to do a review on your poem, so I notes is that your poem is to short it should be a bit longer than this, Like fallen soldiers trees lay to rest, okay so that bit were it said Like fallen soldiers, I feel like you should say something else like, like the fallen drops of rain, trees lay to rest, so it is up to you to decide what you think of it, With grief of treasure lost. Okay what, that bit were you said treasure it is confusing, you do not get treasure in a forest, in a poem and a story you should go with what place you are in, what are the sounds in that forest, are there eney birds sitting some were, The sun rises, the rain pours, see the rain is pouring so the forest cannot be still there’s things happening inside the forest, Yet the forest will never forget those lost, there is times when I feel like some words do not need to be there at all, like the Yet I just do not know why that is there, so you should change that to but, so that is all that I can say about this, so keep up with the good work,
From @MoonFlower
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
It is true about the loss of so many precious lives to war. Society[the forest] never forgets the sacrifice. Yet there is weeping and a suffering which many wonder whether it was at all necessary. Was Alexander's aggression against the Persian Empire necessary? He was offered terms of peace but refused them. Was the life of all these men lost because he refused essential?
Were deaths of those whom Hitler abandoned at Stalingrad glorious? Hitler described it in those terms and hundreds of thousands died from starvation the cold and violence.
Soldiers fall like trees and the forest [society] remembers and weeps. But the forest's admiration for warfare and attribution of glory can very often be justifiably called into question.
Looking forward to reading more of your work..
Here is a poem that comes to my mind when considering this subject.
https://allpoetry.com/Dulce-Et-Decorum- ... atria-Mori
suggestions
The punctuation needs attention since it has many commas where periods should be.
Also, the capitalization of the first letter of every new line makes the reading choppy by disrupting the flow or the previous line.
The poem descries the loss of the men at the battlefield in such a beautiful way.The soldiers r errect arrayed n disciplined like the trees in woods but just like those trees some or other day they will fall on the ground.ITS A SHORT SIMPLE N GOOD POEM WITH EXCELLENT USE OF SYMBOLISM.
u could also add that like those fallen trees decompose in earth n take thosand of years to form precious coal or daimond IN SAME WAY THIS DEAD HEROES WIL BE WORSHIPPED IN OUR HEARTS FOR AGES.
Please don't take it personally but I don't really know what is wrong but this poem didn't really you know 'make me feel anything'. A writer's success is when his words can make the reader see and feel what he feels but the thing is your poem failed to do that. I felt 'plain' while I read it. To put it more plain words I didn't feel the forest's grief. The title was a bit too straight forward too. I'm not that perfect either so I can't really pin out what exactly is wrong and I hope someone more experienced will. Consider me as an average person reading a poem, you should always look from my eye, how I would feel. Well good luck for the future, you are not a bad writer, maybe you are even better than me but you still need a lot of work.
No problem. Honestly it doesn't make me feel anything either.
But did you feel anything at all?