Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing these ideas concerning other worlds that have as yet been unseen by humans. I like the subject matter since the unknown it has always fascinated me. That includes the unexplored depths of the oceans as well as the views that might be provide vis the microscope.
Suggestion
The worlds that yo describe can be made ti fit the description better by adding more details to the categories you mention. I would describe how the fruits differ drastically from our own. How the rivers differ in strange and marvelous ways from those of Earth. How the sun is different-Red Giant? White Dwarf? Neutron Star? How are the trees different? Do they walk? Have eyes? Do the rivers flow against gravity? How is the grass different? Is it crystalline grass? The poem claims strange things and the reader expects examples. So I would tweak it in that way.
BTW
The poem need not be much longer to include such concepts. Adjectives would suffice.
Points: 664
Reviews: 841
Donate