Good night to one and to all
The day is done and gone
Dream your wild dreams
Travel to places unknown
Wander in the abyss of your mind
Close your eyes into another world
Mysteries abound in the moonlight
Wild things go on by the stars.
Night shines in city light
So Good night
Close your eyes lost in blissful sleep.
The morning will come glorious,
The sun will rise a new day dawning.
Marvel at the morning beauty
See the world wake up
But never forget those night dreams
Good night to one and to all
I bid you good dreams
And peace for your mind
For night is alive.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem which focuses on the wonders of night brought about by sleep and the wonder of a dawning day. I like the happy tone of the poem. Too often poetry seems to delve on the somber side of life. So this is a refreshing change which doesn’t make me feel as if everyone should be rushing off somewhere to blow his brains out or hang himself from the highest tree branch. So the excitement that is striving to be conveyed about nighttime and sleep is really appreciated.
As a reader, though, I couldn’t see the wonders, unknowns, mysteries, and wild things mentioned. So I was left craving for some description. Nothing lavish or complicated, just something concrete for the mind to latch on to and to visualize.
Suggestions:
The poem can be improved by adding specific details.
Close your eyes into another world [Where what happens?]
Travel to places unknown [Such as?]
Mysteries abound in the moonlight [Example please.]
Wild things go on by the stars. [Such as?]
The morning will come glorious, [Glorious how?]
Marvel at the morning beauty [Describe it for us.]
See the world wake up [sounds, songs of birds, ]
For night is alive. [How?]
Good night to one and to all. [Repeating that first line seems to me a nicer way to end the poem.]
All in all a very pleasantly soul-refreshing read. Look forward to reading more of your work.
Hey there Katnes and a sort of late welcome to YWS.
Two main things are sticking out to me here and they are some of the most common things I see. There's an issue here with your organization and the capitalization.
Organization: I'm more of a fan of splitting poems up as much as possible, maybe to get a little air between the lines. I can kinda feel where you might have had stanzas before and this might just be a publishing center, formatting issue. If you didn't have them before, I will be quoting different sections down there into some sort of arrangement.
There's also the whole thing being centered, which doesn't sit particularly well with me. It seems more like it was thrown on at the end than anything else, rather than the poem being shaped around the form.
Capitalization: There are the rules of poetry that we are taught in middle school and the way out there free verse alt opinions of "NO RULES". I like to stick to the middle. But you're capping every line and just like the organization, it's interrupting the flow a bit on my end. It's also adding to a formal and stiff vibe, which I am pretty sure was not your intent.
So with the natural breaks that you have just with periods, this poem would separate out into three paragraphs. I think you could really add in a few more periods, or at least a few commas to help this out a little bit.
This also includes making the lines a bit longer and complex, with just a bit of combining, so I'll quote that below.
So with that I just did a bit of splicing and to do that, I just added in a few words and punctuation marks. I mainly did that to show you how easy it is to take care of it.
Use this as a guide if you wish to follow through with the suggestion.
Now onto the actual content.
The poem is certainly sweet in sentiment, even though it's one that I've heard many times before. I've seen similar imagery in similar poems but that can't really be helped. I think I'd mainly like to suggest nailing down that imagery a bit more, because in one stanza, you're jumping through a lot themes.
This is a nice baseline for something better.
For the specifics help, you can always shoot me a PM.
Have a nice day.
~lizz
Hmm, I like this one a lot. Very simple but well done. Perhaps you can a bit more mindful of where you put your punctuation, just so that it flows a bit more swimmingly when read aloud.
The last three or four lines you might consider chopping off because it feels like a mere repetition from earlier in the stanza, and I don't know if you need them. It feels over with "But never forget those night dreams." Maybe you could add an adjective in front of night dreams and call it a wrap?
But your imagery is gorgeous, and overall, I'd say this poem is already complete if you don't feel like editing further.