You say you know me,
but do you really?
Can you see the inner me?
You see my robes of grief,
My sandals of despair,
My ring of passion,
But the crown of me you'll never see.
You'll never gaze upon it's jewls
nor it's golden top.
You say you know my thoughts
but do you really?
Do you know my storms of agony?
Or my fire of fury?
Or my thunder of hate?
The crown of who I am you'll never see.
You will never contemplate it's splendor
nor behold it's rubies.
You say you understand me but do you really?
Do you know my joy?
Do you realize my fear?
Do sympathize with my guilt?
But the crown of what I am you'll never see.
You'll never glimpse it's glory,
nor view it's sapphires.
You'll never know the real me.
You will never see my deepest self.
You will never view my secret soul.
You'll never see the crown of me.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey Katnes,
Shady here with a review for your lovely little NaPo poem! A bit of a disclaimer before I begin, I am not overly experienced with poetry. I've written a bit and read a bit more, but if someone on here disagrees with what I say, you probably want to go with them. Nonetheless, I can point out things I like and things I don't like as a novice poet myself.
I must say, though, that I enjoyed this poem. I think it does a good job of conveying of complicated inner emotions that people outside will never be able to see much less understand. I also like how you started with more physical descriptors with the robe and the sandals and the crown, but then shift it more towards an emotional feeling.
I think it's good because it starts out tangible making it easier to grasp, but then changes over to what the substance of the poem is about -- secrets, desires, the inner essence of a person.
Keep writing!
~Shady
I like this poem much more. You're great at conveying grief and angst, there's an anger in the speaker's voice that really shines through. I would play around with form a bit more to split this into separate stanzas, though, there's no reason for it to continue on as one great long stanza since there's more than one thought.
It's also a bit unclear to me what the image of the "crown" is supposed to entail. You describe it in physical form, but then later on describe it as more of an inner-nature sort of thing. If it's a physical crown that you wear on your head, why can the person the speaker is referring to not see it? And what's so special about it compared to this "ring of passion" that this person can see the ring, but cannot see the crown?