Bound to ever dance in shadows
Twin hearts of light in the wildest places of the night
You and I the stars and sky
Ever one
Our songs entwined
I cannot give your love to you
Nor can I embrace your soul so
Ever we roam
A memory of future hopes
Bound to ever dance in twilight
Twin hearts of love, the grandest places of a dream
You and I, the stars and sky
Ever one
Our souls forever woven
I cannot give your love to you
Nor can I embrace your soul so
Ever we roam
You and I
Twin hearts of devotion, in the wildest places of passion
Our love forever one.
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140,224 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
Hey EverLight! Katja here to review your poem "Forever One". As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make, should you find them unhelpful. With that being said, let's get into this review~
Overall Thoughts
Overall I really like the contrasting themes in your poem and the imagery used to convey a strong love~ I particularly love the description of the two being the "stars and sky" and how this repeats. I definitely noticed the lyrical aspect of the poem right away. Like the previous reviewer mentioned, it reads almost like you had a tune in mind while writing this. Lovely job~
My favorite part of your poem was by far...
I love this line for it's significance to the poem itself but also how it reads as very melodious.
Suggestions
There should be a comma between "you and I" and "the stars and the sky" to indicate a pause. you do this the second time it repeats so I think it was just a typo.
Here I was a little confused. Not sure what you meant here, given the context of the rest of the poem? I would add clarity to this line~
Other than that, I would add punctuation to help make the poem more readable and formal~
Summary
Overall I like the imagery and theme of this poem which expresses a strong love between two people/forces that are "forever one". The wording and imagery are beautifully done. With a bit of clarity on a specific line + punctuation added, I feel the poem would be more readable. However, as it stands on its own, It is really nicely done~
I hope my review was helpful and I look forward to reading more of your work soon!
Keep Writing,
~Katja
I like this! The rhyme schemes and the verse structure are very interesting. It feels like you were creating this poem with a melody in mind. The metaphors and the theme of the poem was very excellent in my opinion. The only criticism I could give this poem is that the absence of any commas or periods sometimes disrupts the flow of the poem, because some lines are sentences and some are phrases but I can't tell which is which. Anyways, that's all! Overall a very good poem! Keep writing!
~Van