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To You With Hate

by EverLight

Dark so wondrous, the moon illuminating the shade of night, as the shadows dance an eloquent dance.

This is to you, my beloved one, with hate.

You are like a dream, mysterious, forever lost in the mind yet not forgotten.

You may hide from me but I will find you.

I am the master of the night, I walk in Eternal darkness.

Vampire I am, so lovely but I dance to shadows and wonder her paths.

So run, hide, here I come!

I will stalk you for eternity.

You thought  I loved you with all my heart.

You believed my endearments from lips so sweet, but failed to see my fangs.

You thought you could catch a vampire with the rose of love, but you are wrong, my sweet, I cannot be caught.

You flirted with darkness when you took my hand and asked me to dance.

As we twirled across the marble floor, so graceful together, you whispered in my ear of your tenderness for me.

But such  love is blind and you could not see past my beauty to my heart.

Woe unto you, precious. 

Fear me, dearest

Did you think I truly loved you?

How simple you are, creature of the light!

Come to the darkness, let me show you all unseen.

I can show you the cruelest heart of man.

I can tell you of the thorns of love.

Let me show you the way of the vampire, and walk my grand halls of marble floors, and walls of Gold.

Think you had me under your spell?

I am strong and immortal, you are a mortal and weak.

Let me show you my heart of shadows, walk with me in the garden of the stars.

I will seek you forever.

I will be in your every nightmare.

I will find your deepest secrets.

Depart from my presence, my love, run for your soul.

You said you loved me, but I could not be fooled

I saw your shadow of lies.

I will crush all compassion you have, I am coming for you dearest.

Dark is the heart of the one you desire, cold and calculating is her mind.

Dressed in a graceful dress of black, bearing an elegant cape of black and red, I am a vampire flee from me.

Come and dance with me,  waltz to the moonlight.

Watch me pirouette into the night.

Leave my presence!

This is to you with a vengeance

I know your heart of hearts, your every wish.

This is my masquerade unto you.

Remember those tender words of passion I spoke into your ear?

They are meaningless, beloved.

My soul does not long for you, nor does my heart break for you.

Every tear you shed in heartache I caused you, I never regretted.

Cache your heart away from me, but I know its every vile thought.

I am out for your blood my darling.

How deep your mind ran, how endless it's thoughts.

You, my lover, are a murderer and a betrayer.

My soul laughed to see you attempt your folly

on me.

But darling, I am a villain as well.

A killer of minds and thoughts.

I pierced through your every deception.

Dearest ignoramus, I played you like a charm, you cannot deceive me I know your heart is sour.

This is to you, with scorn.

I will torment you until you give way to death. 

Sugar, I will burn you to ashes.

I will be as a storm, swift and deadly.

I will leave you in tears and rip your soul to shreds.

You will wander the earth alone, a lost soul among man.

This is my masquerade, have I not played it well? 

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930 Reviews

Points: 125086
Reviews: 930

Sun Jan 27, 2019 7:57 pm
alliyah wrote a review...

Wow, I agree with the other reviewers who noted that this is a very intense piece.

The meaning seems to all hinge on the character of the speaker/vampire who both loves and hates their victim - exemplified in this line, "This is to you, my beloved one, with hate." -- this love and hate takes control of their actions, and although they promise words of endearment and live, they are really seeking to kill and destroy their victim.

I feel like this sort of thing could certainly fit in a gruesome creepy movie of like the song of a villain that is obsessed with their victim. It rings a bit of people who are abusive to the partners that they "love" but their actions end up showing how twisted that love really is. With those implications, it's sad, but it seems like people like this really do exist in the world - where people harm the ones they actually love.

All of your word choice seems very apt for a piece like this, and I love how varied the terms of endearment you chose were - my favorite image is probablly the line where the speaker calls their victim "sugar" but warns that they'll become "ash" -> that contrast is a great imagery contrast that also fits well with the feelings you're portraying

I think you could expand a bit more about them being a vampire in the poem itself, and what that means about their dual feelings. Another critique is that some of the lines go on and on and on, and if they were chopped a little shorter or broken up I think you'd find the song/poem would look a bit cleaner and the flow would be a bit easier to follow as well.

I found this to be fairly disturbing as a piece, and am happy that I do not find much of an emotional resonance with it - though I think that was the intent of the piece.

Good luck in your future writing! And let me know if you had any questions regarding the review.



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19 Reviews

Points: 1317
Reviews: 19

Sun Dec 30, 2018 11:27 pm
AlexaBWill wrote a review...

This is a very intense piece, but I really like that about it. As it should be for any good lyrical piece, each word seems to be chosen very thoughtfully and carefully. The narrative is very good, too. With your comment below about how it's weird that she says run from me then come do this, that, I actually found that an intriguing part of the piece and I could tell that it was intentional. The only thing I found wrong with it is that I think you use "wonder" instead of "wander." I just wanted to point that out in case you missed it, but it's very much a non-issue.

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89 Reviews

Points: 3601
Reviews: 89

Thu Dec 27, 2018 5:17 pm
ShapeOfVoid says...

this is your masquerade, and you have played it well.

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209 Reviews

Points: 400
Reviews: 209

Thu Dec 27, 2018 2:02 am
EverLight says...

If you are thinking it's odd how the narrator says to run from her then says come watch her do this or come join her, I know. It's just how I wrote it. I will NOT be changing that about this song.
This song was actually written for Tango. I even was listening to that kind of music when I wrote this. Not that it matters.

Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
— Shinji Moon