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E - Everyone

Never Forget

by Katnes

Look deep within yourself my friend

I know you see the shadows in your heart

I know you see the ash upon your soul

I know you see the evil of your spirit

Gaze long upon your people

I know you see their shame and failure

I know you see the wounds they caused

But I beg you to forgive them

The stars know they tried to save all life

But endangered all of space instead

Watch closely infinity

I know you see death where there once was life

I know you see coals where there once was fire

I know you see dusk where there once was dawn.

Stare far into the universe

I know you see how dark it is

Too cruel for life or death

I know you see how dead it is

No trace of life but blood upon times canvas.

I know you ask questions larger then eternity

What was the light dawn?

What was the flame of life?

What was the glory of the stars?

I cannot answer them, neither can I fathom them

I can only make one promise

One day the sky will turn red

And the hands of time shall move from zero to one

And the cosmos itself shall blaze with life once more

But never forget the chaos you see before you

or repeat the mistakes we made

And remember, not every soul can be rescued. 

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155 Reviews

Points: 11208
Reviews: 155

Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:51 am
Toboldlygo wrote a review...

Hey there! Toboldlygo here for a review! Let's get this out the Green Room now, shall we?

So, the first thing I noticed is that there is a lack of punctuation and formatting. Some people skip these for a particular artistic style, but I think skipping both is a bit too much. If you need help formatting poetry on YWS, here is a helpful link: Formating Poetry #2

The poem is fantastic! It's a very touching poem that I felt really touched me on a personal level. I love the line about asking what was the glory of the stars? It seemed so wistful and contemplative. Those are lovely things to feel in a poem. Well done!

This poem speaks so intensely about looking back after the unintended disastrous consequences of a good act. It's something I believe many can relate to and it evoked powerful emotions. That's a wonderful thing, so be proud of that!

I can't really find anything I would critique beyond the punctuation/formatting issue. I realize some people forego those, but I personally feel that only one should be sacrificed, just for the sake of clarity. Your poem, though, do what you want. Lovely writing!


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542 Reviews

Points: 30484
Reviews: 542

Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:37 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you like you asked on this sunny day. :)

Okay let's start.

To me a poem flows better if it has punctuation, well a little more then you did here. But I have also been told that a poem doesn't need punctuation. But to me if it has commas and
full-stops then I will be able to pick up on the flow easier, but that is really up to you.

That was really the only thing with the poem I could see, and it isn't a big thing ether.
I really love the story you are telling us here, it's so sad and yet it has a very big meaning to me. And they thing you have said here is true to a certain degree.
I'm also just loving the emotion that was put into this, it makes it feel so real, and it makes it easier for the reader to connect with what your feeling.
To me I couldn't have written this any better. I do think this is one of your better works.

I'm glad you asked me to come and review your work, because I quit enjoyed it. I hope you will keep writing and post again on YWS soon, because I look forward to seeing what you will write next. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Someday, everything is going to go right for you, and it will be so wonderful you won't even know what to do.
— Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham, Questionable Content