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Forgive Me

by EverLight


My love

I don't know why your heart is breaking

I only know I'm dying inside

I don't understand your shattered spirit

I only understand my wounded soul

If I could heal your every scar I would

But not one taught me how

I can see it in your eyes

The longing, the hope

You want me to be the one to repair our torn bond.

But no one taught me how

I know how much I once meant to you and I'm sorry I failed

But something between us has died

I know you want me to be the one to bring it to life

But no one taught me how

I don't know why our love is crashing

I only know how deep my burns are

Maybe I pretend be your hero on the outside

But deep inside I'm only human

And no human being ever had the power to save a broken heart

And no human being ever had the power to restore fractured love

Can forgive me for every word that hurt?

Can you forgive me for every action that wounded?

Can you forgive me for my humantiy?


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19 Reviews


Points: 33
Reviews: 19

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Wed Jul 17, 2019 3:24 am
lilithyoung says...



Wow. I'm such a sucker for shorter poems that can convey such deep emotion. This is such a great example of that. I especially love the line: "If I could heal your every scar I would / But not one taught me how." I couldn't tell you how many times I have personally felt like that.

I think this poem comes from a place of deep pain and understanding of others' pain. If you as a writer keep digging into that understanding, I have no doubt that your pieces will be amazing.

The only edit I would suggest is if you're going to have some punctuation in your poem, make sure you have punctuation throughout. I know it's tiresome to do so, but you'll have a much more cohesive piece if you do.

Thank you for sharing your talent and art with us! Please continue to!

All love,
Lilith




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19 Reviews


Points: 33
Reviews: 19

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Wed Jul 17, 2019 3:24 am
lilithyoung wrote a review...



Wow. I'm such a sucker for shorter poems that can convey such deep emotion. This is such a great example of that. I especially love the line: "If I could heal your every scar I would / But not one taught me how." I couldn't tell you how many times I have personally felt like that.

I think this poem comes from a place of deep pain and understanding of others' pain. If you as a writer keep digging into that understanding, I have no doubt that your pieces will be amazing.

The only edit I would suggest is if you're going to have some punctuation in your poem, make sure you have punctuation throughout. I know it's tiresome to do so, but you'll have a much more cohesive piece if you do.

Thank you for sharing your talent and art with us! Please continue to!

All love,
Lilith




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20 Reviews


Points: 620
Reviews: 20

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Fri Jun 28, 2019 11:29 am
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anu wrote a review...



Hey Katnes! This was a very congenial poem. Loveable yet heart- wrenching. Though it isn't clear who broke the heart, since both are suffering. Was it you who did it or was it your partner??

Can forgive me for every word that hurt?
Was it only you who said hurtful words. Didn't your partner say something they shouldn't have?

" But something between us has died

I know you want me to be the one to bring it to life

But no one taught me how"
^ These lines were so terrific and all those that ended with' But no one taught me how'. These make the poem stupendously amazing.

I can see it in your eyes

The longing, the hope

You want me to be the one to repair our torn bond

This is a bit awkward. You both want the torn bond to be repaired and yet the other doesn't even try to do anything about it. QUEER, he or she could be a coward,I think- only expecting others to do the action.

Anyway, keep aside the mistakes, the poem was a pleasure to read!

Keep writing😇




EverLight says...


Thank you for your review.



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562 Reviews


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Reviews: 562

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Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:58 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with yet another review for you like you asked.

Let's get started shall we.
So out of the whole poem I only saw one very small mistake, and it can be easily fixed.

Can forgive me for every word that hurt?

I think your missing a 'you' between can and forgive.

Well that was all I could see that could be fixed. Other than that I just loved your poem, it had a good flow to it, and it all made cents. I also loved the story and emotion in the words you used. I also loved the length of this poem, it didn't feel like you had stretched it out.
And I also want to say that the name you picked is perfect. It fits what your poem is about really well.

Well that's all from me for now. Keep up the amazing work, because I look forward to seeing what you will come up with next. Post again on YWS soon. Have a great day or night.

Your friend and faithful reader.
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




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Mon Jun 24, 2019 7:09 am
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

This is a deeply emotional poem! It's really well written, conveying clear emotions of heartbreak, sadness, regret... a lot of things. I think you started off strong and ended off strong with this person not being able to mend their love's heartbreak and asking for forgiveness. I think it's interesting how you kept using the line "no one taught me how" to add emphasis and maybe give a little insight to the backstory of this character... and I would probably want to know more about them. There's just a couple lines I want to point out...

But not one taught me how

In this line, I'm guessing that you mean "But no one taught me how".

Can you forgive me for my humantiy?

In this line, just a small typo in the word "humanity".

Another thing I want to point out is using punctuation consistently throughout the whole poem. I think this can be important in adding more effect and pause to certain lines. To enhance the poem even more, you can maybe try using some imagery or other figures of speech to really allow readers to connect to and understand this person in this poem or the "love" who they are talking to. There's a lot of feeling in this poem, but I feel kind of detached when reading through because I'm not really getting a sense of what these characters are like. I hope that makes sense.... but yeah, I think that's a major thing you can improve on.

Anyway, this is a nicely written poem overall and I hope to read more of your work!

Keep Writing :)





Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
— Euripides