Orange spears across the sky
Entwined with pinks and whites.
The world is captured in tranquility
High on this mountain of serenity
Despair continues down below,
Hell is there, and they all know.
Shuddering from horrors so abrupt
I couldn't survive without being cut.
The drips of blood, the screams of love,
I'm stuck waiting for the white dove.
High above the clouds I dream,
Of a world rid of lust and greed.
Here I am finally at peace,
A place where I can now breathe.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello, My name is Morgenstern, I will review your poem.
I thought this was astounding. I usually do not read poems like this, but was surprised by the sheer brilliance of it.
It was so carefully written and so beautifully put together. I do not think that rhyme was forced in the first stanza, and I feel it fits in perfectly.
I think it needs no more description and nothing should be changed or made longer, it is up to the reader to understand it. There should be no reason for spoon feeding.
I agree that rhyming is not consistent, but maybe that's your metaphor.
Thanks heaps for your lovely reply. Glad you liked it heaps!
The Messenger Knight here to review for KotGR.
So, I thought this was very beautifully written, and great description/imagery. But I think you need to be more descriptive in telling the readers that it is a sunset. I understand it is from what I discerned out of the poem, but it isn't as obvious as it should be,. I would try to make it longer, and maybe use the line "Drips of blood" two or three times.
Also, I think your rhyming in the first stanza was rather forced. and the first two lines don't rhyme anyway. Sky and whites. also, it's a different length then the other two stanzas. I think it's a good poem, but could use some work to make it even better.
Keep it up!
Hey, I understand what you mean by the rhyme, I was going for more the way it sounds when read out loud than on paper.
As for the lines, the poem is a sonnet so unless I have 2 stanzas of 7 lines they will be uneven. But thanks for your review and I have taken it into account!
Hey, I understand what you mean by the rhyme, I was going for more the way it sounds when read out loud than on paper.
As for the lines, the poem is a sonnet so unless I have 2 stanzas of 7 lines they will be uneven. But thanks for your review and I have taken it into account!
Hey, I understand what you mean by the rhyme, I was going for more the way it sounds when read out loud than on paper.
As for the lines, the poem is a sonnet so unless I have 2 stanzas of 7 lines they will be uneven. But thanks for your review and I have taken it into account!
Hey, I understand what you mean by the rhyme, I was going for more the way it sounds when read out loud than on paper.
As for the lines, the poem is a sonnet so unless I have 2 stanzas of 7 lines they will be uneven. But thanks for your review and I have taken it into account!
OK, that helps me understand. Glad to be of cervices.
Anytime, and sorry for the spam. Stupid ipad being stupid!
Hi Vivian here. This is my first time reading a work by you(I think). I think it's great. The title and the first lines caught my eye, it was a very beautiful scene. I like the wording too, but what were you think of for the orange spears and pinks and whites. Was it the sunset?
I will go and read your other works. Keep writing.
Yes it is the sunset, or sunrise. But for me it is the sunset.
Thanks for the review!
Yes it is the sunset, or sunrise. But for me it is the sunset.
Thanks for the review!
Yes it is the sunset, or sunrise. But for me it is the sunset.
Thanks for the review!