I wonder why

Hi Nargles!

Minimalist poetry can be the most amazing thing sometimes, you get to have all of the feeling with as little fuss as possible, and who does not love that? I certainly love it, and that is why I am going to give you some props for this poem here. It is indeed very simple and stragiht forward, you have not bothered with any frills or fancies to make this more than it is. This works becaue your poetry is about movement and it is about understanding, or the lack of.

I do want to sugget that at some point you attempt to write more on this, to expand your lines and develop reasons for why your narrator feels this way and how they are moving through. What does I fall, I die actually cover and why are we reading this? I know you, yourself, do not actually know just yet what you are trying to do with the poem, the sad way of poetry is to unfortunately sometimes stay hidden in the folds of our brains! It is really unkind of it and I would rather we just knew why we wrote what we write. But you can push through by developing some imagery to go along with what is happening to your narrator.

At the same time you could keep this as is and walk away. It is not a brilliant poem, but it also is not a terrible one, so you are sitting pretty okay.

Thank you for posting!

- Penguin.

Hi, JC here for a review!

I like this poem, and I can't say exactly why. There isn't exactly a lot of meat on the bones here, but then again, that's probably what intrigues me.

I've always loved poetry that has a consistent flow and rythm, not only because they are fun to say, but it lends a sort of aura to the words which otherwise would be flat sentences on paper, or in this case on screen.

I do have to agree with speakerskat down below, the third stanza seems a bit unfinished.

[qoute]I thrash,
I stammer,
I stop my wonder.[/qoute]

It may be hard to come up with a rhyming word that transfers the feelings you want it to, but it is well worth the time spent. Even for one word. It can make or break the entire thing, especially in a poem as short as this.

The thing that I like most about this is that there are no definitive descriptions of what you, the writer, are attempting to tell or convey to the reader. It's more or less open to interpretation, and so I can take away from it what I will. While not all poems should be written in this way, this one just fits.

Thank you Nargles!

Hey there Nargles. Nice and short huh? Kat here to write a review for you and Reviewlution on this fine review day hope this helps!

Short indeed but a beautiful poem none the less. However I was disappointed by the third stanza.
"I thrash,
I stammer,
I stop my wonder"

doesn't really rhyme at all unlike your other stanzas which have an ABB rhyme scheme and for me it's really distracting when such a fluent rhyme just breaks like that. Other than that part the flow would be flawless and sound really good! such a short poem can say so much and to be honest the size fits well here. I like how you stayed almost perfectly consistent with syllables to get good rhythm and even had a 2 word 2 word 4 word pattern except the second to last stanza. Most of the time I totally dread it when writers repeat words ( I do to) because it's so hard not to over do it but you used I very well in this poem. There isn't much else I can say except... even though it was really short I felt the emotion in it . Sometimes poems just come to us and we don't know why but we know they were meant to be written and shared. I feel the sudden change and utter confusion and hopelessness of this character. Thanks for a lovely read and keep it up!

~Kat