Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Overall, I really liked this. It's a good story and you have some lovely imagery. However, I do have a couple nitpicks.
First off, the first word of each line is capitalized. This is a matter of taste, but I think it looks strange, especially with the one word lines. I'd consider only capitalizing the beginnings of each sentence.
Secondly, this stanza looks clunky and doesn't have the rhythm of the rest of the piece.
I think it looks strange because of the misused semicolons and the overuse of adjectives. I might rephrase this as actions, e.g. "The anger that frightens". This would make it stronger and fit in better with the poem.
Lastly, I agree with Noelle. The heart beating bright thing seemed strange to me. Perhaps it can pound or something else more fitting a heart?
That said, I really enjoyed this piece. This was my favorite stanza.
Thanks for the review, it was really helpful!
Hi there!
Here's how you center it:
You need to use those codes around your poem. Make sense?
First I'd like to say that I like the way this is written. I like poems that tell a story. It makes it more interesting. Not that other poems are boring, but I sometimes get an overload of emotions at once. Know what I mean?
Overall this is a good poem. I give it a 5/6. I think you should go back and really play with the punctuation and capitalization, work the flow of it all. You capitalized every line and you don't need to do that. If you vary your punctuation as well, you can create a certain rhythm. Try it out.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Oops...the code to make it center didn't show up. Here's the link for codes to use on the site: viewtopic.php?f=153&t=94459 There's a bunch here.
Thanks for the review. I still can't seem to centre it but will try. It's probably just me.
Maybe. The codes are tricky though, it took me a while to get them