Untitled, please help!

Forgot to add this in my last review. Titles!

1. Beyond Resurrection
2. When Time Crumbles
3. Void

etc.

Try to make the title contain some hidden symbolism. Keep it vague and mysterious to help it grab the reader's attention. Titles are not the most important part, but having a good title can really give the reader a better outlook when starting to read the poem!

Hope I helped! Ask me if you have any questions.

--Jk

Forgot to add this in my last review. Titles!

1. Beyond Resurrection
2. When Time Crumbles
3. Void

etc.

Hope I helped!

--Jk

Hi Nargles!

I read the book a few months ago. Powerful story, Ray Bradbury is just an amazing writer.

I like your poem a lot. I think it really does grasp the message of the novel.

"Life's turning to death and decay
Societies death will come someday."

In the above two lines, you could probably make it stronger by 1) Stating the first line less bluntly by making it more figurative, as well as finding a different word for decay that is appropriate in this context, and 2) Eliminating the repetition of the word 'death' in the second line. Also, 'societies' is supposed to be possessive, so make sure you make it "society's". Similarly in the first stanza as well, mothers is mother's. Just fixing the grammar a bit since you will be turning it in to your English teacher

"Through wastelands you will see me pry,
For those still alive but are wanting to die."

In the above two lines, I am not sure what you mean but the people who are still alive but wanting to die. Is it that they do not like what has become of the world around them? Or are you trying to convey that they have become the lifeless forms of what humans used to be? If the latter is what you were intending (because that was what was happening in the novel, Fahrenheit 451), then I would rephrase it for better clarity, because I am getting a different message.

The rhythm in this line - "Fire burns our old life to dust and ashes." - chops up the flow of the poem, as the meter is different. It sounds like you are forcing in words, instead of having it flow smoothly.

"Fire burns our old life to dust and ashes.
Drowning out my sorrows in small doses"

In the above two lines, the fact that the lines do not rhyme as opposed to the rhyme scheme you have maintained so far throws off the flow of the poem again. Maybe find a better rhyme, though I like what you are trying to convey.

"I have no want to try and survive."

In the above line, try to give a better transition that shows that the narrator has tried to change the ways of the dystopia and break the bonds that confine individualism and independent thought, though finally he is giving up because he realizes that "Societies death will surely arrive". Right now, it kind of defies what is previously stated, making it sound like the narrator never wanted to survive.

I really like the message you are conveying by the piece. However, Try to connect it more to the book, adding specific and important aspects of the book - like the constant smell of kerosene, the cars that zoom past, the lifeless forms that surround him, especially the prohibition of knowledge and books and independent thought - subtly to the poem. This will help connect the poem to the book better, as unless you told me it was about Fahrenheit 451, I would not have seen the connection (too general; sounds like it is addressing any science fiction piece out there).

Overall though, I enjoyed your poem! Great writing, and I hope you do well!

Happy writing! Hope I helped.
--Jk

Maybe you could call it Life and Death or something.
It sounds rather unusual but it rimes nicely.
I am sure that I couldn't rime anything this well.
But I haven't read the book.

Hi there Nargles!

Fahrenheit 451 is an excellent book, and I've read it many times. Bradbury is actually my favorite author. He's simply lovely.

I really like this poem. You have a really good sense of meter here. I definitely couldn't pull it off. The images, if a little bland at times, serve their purpose.

One quick thing: It should be "society's," not "societies" because the latter is how you spell the plural, not the possessive. Also, "mothers" in the second line should also be possessive (mother's). There should be a semicolon after "by" in the third line. (Just thought I'd correct the grammar if you're going to be turning this in to your English teacher.)

Okay, now on to the content. If you hadn't told the readers that this was based off of Fahrenheit, I wouldn't know. It's a little too general, I think. I would bring more city imagery into this poem. Perhaps you could compare the tombs you mention in the first line to skyscrapers. Tombstones and skyscrapers would be a pretty interesting connection to make. I also think that in the third line, you could compare hope and wisdom to those cars that hurtle down the street in the novel. Make clear connections to the book if you're going to say that it was inspired by the book. Also, "decay" doesn't seem to be very appropriate when applied to Fahrenheit. It's a city, and you don't really see much decay at all in the book. Unless I've forgotten something that you remember since you've read it probably more recently than me.

In the second stanza, the lines become a little confused, and the rhymes a little forced. "pry" doesn't seem right there at all to me. Perhaps find a synonym for "die" that has a wider range of things that mean "go" that rhyme with it. The second line in this stanza isn't doing it for me. It's a little confusing. Why is the narrator walking across wastelands for these people? I don't know. I think in this stanza you should take one image and focus on it. I'd take the image of burning books and expand on it. It seems as if you've got a hint at that in the third line, but you need to refer to it more explicitly. I'd also mention kerosene in the poem, since Montag always smelled like it in the novel, and it's an important image. I think you could compare books to something important that society is destroying, and hope for the death of society here more than say it's going to happen.

The meter in the third and fourth lines of the second stanza are a little off.

As for the title, I think there are several options. I would pick one of these:
"Society's Death"
"Society's Flames" (this would only work if you chose to do as I suggest and focus more on book burning in the second stanza)
"Burn the Cities"
If you come up with something else that effectively sums up your poem, I'd use that, too. Summary titles often come in handy.

I enjoyed reading this, and I hope you get a good grade on it. I hope that this review was helpful. Happy writing!

A title? D-Day?