My Mummy

I really love this poem Nargles!! I can see this child growing up, and I love how we don't really know exactly why the speaker cries, but can see the pain they're going through. The rhyming is also clever, and the poem just flows. As the other comment said, "There really couldn't be a better ending." and I absoluely agree. I'm not sure if the title fits because it's not really all about the mother, but about the family and their secrets. Maybe it could be something about the whole family like "My Family".

The lines that pull at my heart strings the most are the opening line "My mummy used to smile and say 'I love you'." How crushing for it to be in past-tense! No more smiles and love.
And the other line I really like is "Sister asked how I was, I would lie and say I was fine" I like the story, and the sound of that line re-using the "w" sound and the the "i" sound re-rhyming from the secound line's use of "smile" and "I" and "cried".

Great job and have a great day.

~alliyah~

"And I never whisper mine."

There couldn't have been a better ending to this one.
The whole piece plays like a short movie and I'm sure that many people will relate to it, as some level. To me, it was like some sort of definition of good things going bad. Everything follows this path, even something as pure as childhood. It could very well be the story of a relationship.

Bravo!

Wow, just wow. I must say you have got some awesome poetry here. Is this really how your life went, because it seems pretty acurate to me. This is how life goes for normal people (atleast I think it is) so I couldn't relate.
Now for the flaws.
The poem is too repetitive, for me atleast. The way all the stanzas all start the same way is somewhat disappointing to me, but I believe you wanted the poem to be repetitive like this anyway. All all, the poem isn't that bad.
~Keep it up~
~Dark~

I love this. I tend to have a problem with poems that are redundant in their format, but I think that you made this work to your in a way that was poignant. Although this was a subtle thing, I liked that you digressed from "Mummy" to "my mom" to "she." Even your language reveals the erosion of these family ties. While simple, you managed to convey this very well.

Put in such a direct juxtaposition, there's a painful retrospect that works very effectively to show the harsh changes in the relationships. I think it also opens a window for the reader to place themselves in the narrator's shoes and reflect upon the shifts within their own family, which is a very very good thing.

Anyway, I think that the previous reviewers have done a lovely job of editing and nitpicking, so I will just leave it at this. Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx

This is a great poem. I love it simplicity. At a glance at the title "MY MUMMY" we think that the poem is going to focus on your mother. However, on reading the second line of the first stanza and the succeeding lines it is made clear that the poem actually discusses the members of your family not do not really focus on your Mummy, which is why i think it should have been titled "MY FAMILY" or something of that sort.

The main theme which is nostalgia is well displayed as you highlight all the things the members of your family "used to" do and somehow has change. This is idea nostalgic idea is familiar to us the readers which makes your poem more interesting to us as we are able to relate to it.

The incorporation of dialogue at some point (My dad asked 'are you alright' ) , sensory images and your choice of words and phrases such as "calls me fat and ugly", "cried", "hug and tuck", 'slap him and say go die' does not only dramatizes the poem its further establishes vivid but very effective picture.

personally, the poem reminds me of the things my family and i used to do but no longer do and the sense of longing to go back to those days. i love your poem

Nargie Nargles! I need to review this poem because of the awesome title! Well, I first thought it's about a real mummy, as in a creepy, eat organs and all that mummy, but then I found out it's about a mum mummy. Nevertheless, it's a good piece and I have to give a review.

What I like mostly about the piece is how sweet it. It mostly is made up of nostalgia, all memories. Things people used to do to you. It's very serene in that kind of way. And then there's that twisted ending, wow, I love it that way Each line had their own identity; first line is for mom's only, second is for dad's only. That pattern is another plus point in the overall wonder of the piece.

I also like how each character had been developed. Each had been given a job: mumsy is the loving one, dadsy is the caring one, bro is the teasing one and sis is the confidante. I love the way it's presented. The only thing in the general piece that lacks is some more story. Give it a conflict. Maybe there's a stanza where everything changed. That can symbolize a bad time in your life. Inflict a change in the piece, maybe at the end, to provide a sense that all stories don't go all happy from beginning to end

My mummy use to smile and say 'I love you'.

My mum would hug me when I scrapped me knees.

He says I need to get out more and not cry.

wow i really like how you wrote each line for each different family member. i loved the structure and it's a great poem!
I also love the way each paragraph changes as the years roll on. like how at the beginning the sisters play barbie dolls, then they whisper secrets when they should be asleep, and finally they don't whisper secrets at all. In a way it's kind of sad and hints something about the changes of growing up and how you unconsciously miss certain things that you don't seem to have anymore. I can relate to that.
only thing is that the title is a bit misleading. I thought this poem what only going to be about the mother, not the entire family. maybe choose a different title?
i loved and enjoyed this poem very much good work!