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139,852 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Hi there,
I can't say I liked this poem very much - but I do really like the idea of it. Saying that, your last stanza is superb, it stands out from the others because it doesn't seem forced around the idea of "never-ending".
If you want to be abstract in your preachings of admiration as to a story that never ends, you need to be further-so. Skip out some words, for example:
TheLight slowly dimsA Heart
isbeating in suspenseForAwaiting whatwillcomes nextWords
are never-endingthat never die.This suggestion also gets rid of the over-used "never-ending". By finding simply synonyms such as this, your work already sounds much more pleasing to read. And by taking out some of the grammatical words, your piece sounds simply more abstract and more engaging.
Of course, this is only a suggestion. What I'm trying to get at is if you keep working on this poem, you could have something rather admirable here. Don't just leave it at this.
Keep writing friend,
-B
Thanks, I get where you are coming from, truly.
Sublime. Simple and yet much more than just a few words. Nice work. Keep it up. Expecting to read more from you:)
Thanks heaps, feel free to check out my other stuff!! Also I have read some of your stuff too, not bad either!!