Fire in your soul

by Nargles

  • Poetry

Published March 10, 2012

In poetry

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The fire in your dying soul
The life seeping from your grip
The torture of what it really is
Dreams burning every night
Come and shield your eyes
From the horrors you will see
Oh, all those awful sights
 
Having your life burnt down
before you rips your heart in half.
I see the sparkle in your eyes
Diminishes more every time
Feel the heartache you’re suffering inside
No chance that happiness will survive
And I watch you struggle in pain as
That fire in your soul dies
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
manisha
Review
manisha wrote a review Review · Mar 11, 2012

hey!
i really loved the whole theme of the poem and the way you brought out the emotion. I am not really good with poetry review but i think you could work on the imagery and the flow of the poem.

Having your life burnt down hurts.
As I see the sparkle in your eyes
Diminishes more every time.
That heartache you’re suffering inside,
there's no chance happiness will survive.
And I watch with pain as
That fire in your soul dies


after i read the first line i expect it to a bit more of continuity. or in better words flow.

That heartache you’re suffering inside,
there's no chance happiness will survive.
And I watch with pain as
That fire in your soul dies

I really like these sentences.
you could play a bit more on the emotions.
overall, i think its a great poem!
:)

-manisha

User avatar
SirTobes
Review
SirTobes wrote a review Review · Mar 10, 2012

Hi, so I generally enjoyed this, although it did fail to capture me. The lanuage is great, the format is terrfic, but ina ll honesty, to me it's bland.
It lacks that taste that sparks someone.
SO, this is just a comment, not a full scale review, but that's it.
Bit of puncuation issues, but in all, terrific!



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