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139,852 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Hey, Nargles! Okay, so this was alright. Not too shabby, really. I love the depth and thought that's clearly been put into its meaning, and for me that is what makes it stand out. Some of it, ie. "broken dreams," "tears cupped in the palm," is a little melodramatic or my taste, but that's probably more of a creative difference rather than a critical one. In contrast, I adore certain lines, such as "This tongue of regret" and (of course) "white sheets spray-painted grey." Stellar. ^_^
Keep writing!
Great job! Very deep with lots a meaning. Grammatical errors: In the second stanza I don't think that you meant to capitalize "Stroke". If it was on purpose, my bad. Overall the poem had pretty good flow; I especially like how you tied in "white sheets spray painted grey" into the end. Very nice. Hope this is meaningful to you!