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139,859 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
This was a great poem. It reminds me of the bad we often forget.
Very dark and very beautiful all at the same time. I enjoy the simple sensory details you use in the first half. These days details are often overused and oversold and its too much. But this is a good example of how deatail were meant to be used. But I feel like the second half just has a hair too much. But its still a very good poem with lots of sad truth to it. YOu get a thumbs up from me
Thanks, I get what you mean by the second half, and there is certainly a distinct change of tone between the two
Nargles,
I found this poem very true, touching and very nicely written. The way you describe each circumstance or in other words, examples, is a positive point here. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Just one nitpick:-
I thought that the ending was a little incomplete. I was wishing for a end line, because when you write "so", the readers are always kind of used to a nice ending. This was just a little too direct and it sort of sounds and looks a little incomplete.
Other than that, I think you're a great writer and you've got extraordinary talent!
Keep Writing! ~
ChocoCookie
Thank you, yeah the last line cause great internal debate, I like it but then I find it kind of out of tone with the rest of the poem. I don't know what to do with it.