The kids are attacking without a care,
The adults are ignoring them.
The 14 year old killed herself,
Society shrugged and watched T.V again.
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139,852 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Hello!
Hm. This is a very strong statement. I like how blunt and clear you are.
A few things:
Does this mean that the kids are attacking other kids? or themselves? or the adults? or Who/what? I'd really like to know who the kids are attacking so I can get exactly what kind of tragedy this is.
I like the second line a lot.
The third line... I'm conflicted about. I feel like the use of the word "the" means that this 14 year old is especially important and I should know who she is. I think and think, but I don't know who she is. It's a small thing, but I would maybe think about changing "The" to "A" if there isn't a reason that you did it in the first place. Also, is the fact she's fourteen... does that matter specifically? I'm not sure. I'm just not sure about it as a line.
I very much enjoyed the last line.
I'm not sure what else there is to say, other than I agree, it's horrible that society is so uncaring. I also liked the title.
Good job, Keep writing!
~fortis
this poem is short and sweet just the way I like em. I love this poem. it shows how (pardon my French) shitty people in society can just turn the other cheek. We had 2 kids going to Sadie's killed by a train and we gave them a moment of silence but that's it. We didn't even say our condolences to the family and it was a very sad time. I hate how people can not even look at their kids there to interested in tv. it a shitty world.
Great job on this. im off to review another one of your works.
Didn't I just write a review for you.....short again I see. Hey there it's Kat here to write another review for you on this lovely review day for Reviewlution!!
So lets get down to it, this was obviously just meant to write a message and I just totally LOVE it because it is truth ad there is nothing better than the truth. Was there a grasp at trying to make an ABCB rhyme scheme here or am I imagining it? If so it didn't work to well. If not then well okay. The only thing I don't get is the first line, attacking what? It's very confusing. The rest makes sense. Society is oblivious and happy-go-lucky until it effects the individual because truth be told, individuals make society but no one individual can permanently effect society and how it functions without great effort. We all just shrug it off. Someone died, so what wasn't me, lets watch SpongeBob. It makes me sick. But you did an excellent job and I will keep reviewing your works
~Kat