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139,481 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
This is true about how time passes. You have captured this in a snapshot photo. I commend you for this.
The good stuff:
1. I like all of the uses of natural occurrences to capture this simple sentence- "Time is slowly passing by".
2. Arrangement. I enjoy poetry that is in unique patterns, not just stuck in boxes that could be mistaken for prose.
3. Usage of words. I enjoy the description of tiny trees becoming giants. I pictured a huge tree carved into the shape of a giant.
The bad stuff:
1. I believe that since some of the first letters of lines are capitalized, you should either capitalize them all or make them all lowercase letters.
I truly believe that poetry cannot be poetry unless it moves me, makes me want to do something. By those standards, This is poetry!
Hey, I'm here to review your poem.
Well, first things first, in the fourth line, trikling should be trickling. But that's the only grammatical mistake.
The imagery is great, though. You've shown us what you want to depict without going into too much detail, which is always appreciated in a poem. the theme is a wonderful one, one that I never tire of.
I noticed that the verbs you used mostly end in '-ing', and it's kind of repetitive:
I think that you should replace the verbs in those lines with their present tense, e.g. turn instead of turning, morph instead of morphing, etc. It would flow smoother.
I loved this part. It's just so captivating and symbolic of the phrase 'Time and tide wait for none'.
I do think that you should change the last line to something a little more unique, though. Something... different, something that would be a fitting finale for this poem. I'm not sure what, though. You'll have to think of that yourself.
I really hope this review was helpful to you, Nargles. I love this poem. Keep writing!
-TheDayBeforeTomorrow
hey!
I think you mean trickling.Starting off, I really do love the theme behind the poem. Time is one of my favorite topics and I really appreciate the way you have described time. The poem is simple, the usage of words are simple, and the idea behind the poem is transparent.
In your fourth line, by
Aliiyah noticed right, all your verbs do end in an -ing form. Maybe you could use a different way to present the words instead of the monotonous -ing? Play with the words.
Something probably like-
rocks turn into sand,
caterpillars morph into butterflies.
Time is slowly passing by.
Though this is entirely up to you .
You definitely have a talent for poetry. keep writing!
I hope I helped.
-manisha
I like how this poems imagery, and how it makes you think about all the time changes in nature. Now for some reviewing...
In the 2nd line "caterpilliars" should not have the 2nd "i" (caterpillars) Some of your verbs could be changed to words that are more visual or words that have more meaning behind them, if that makes sense. For example, you could change "becoming" (in the 7th line) to "carving". There are alot of other words you can use for the verbs like turning and change, as well. Also I noticed that all your verbs end in "-ing" except for "change". Thanks for posting your poem.
-Ally-wa