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Natural High

by tgirly

Drunk on root beer
High on sugar
Playing high-stakes Uno
Betting all your pennies
Addicted to air
Laughing for the sound
On the jungle gym
Your feet don’t touch the ground
Radio: blaring
Eyes: shining
Not everything’s fine
Not everything’s alright
But that’s not going to stop you
From having the time of your life
And enjoying it too.

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193 Reviews

Points: 408
Reviews: 193

Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:16 pm
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Niraco wrote a review...

I loved how the innocents just smashed through this poem. Very powerful and brought a warm fuzzy feeling inside me. Made me want to go back to my childhood.

Not everything’s fine
Not everything’s alright
But that’s not going to stop you
From having the time of your life

To me these lines were the most powerful within this poem. To me it was almost like a lullaby in a way.

I loved the emotion felt in this poem and had me smiling all the way through. I loved how happy-go-lucky the poem was. It was unlike anything I have ever seen. Fantastic job you've done here.

tgirly says...

Thank you so much!! : )

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884 Reviews

Points: 28282
Reviews: 884

Sun Mar 31, 2013 2:50 am
StoryWeaver13 wrote a review...

Hey tgirly! I actually thought this was pretty swell; it's got a unique, kind of upbeat vibe to it, huh? And the last four lines really hit this poem out of the park. Just awesome.

The rest of your poem is good as well, but it lacks the same personality and flair. In a way, however, it almost sets it up perfectly - it's like a little intro to the end that just works perfectly in a very unexpected way. I'm not sure whether or not I'd advice delving deeper into the metaphors and ideas of the poem simply for this reason. It shouldn't work, but it kind of...does?

I'm sorry if this review was absolutely no help to you at all, but in any case, this was an interesting poem and enjoyable to read. Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx

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80 Reviews

Points: 6066
Reviews: 80

Thu Mar 28, 2013 11:56 am
100xstupid wrote a review...

Hi, I'm Stupid and I'll be reviewing you today.

I love the first stanza, it's witty and sweet. You don't feel the need to overstate yourself, which is good. The poem feels simple but sweet in tone.

The second stanza starts very well- I love the first line. But the rhyming here doesn't make much sense to me, as it seems to be the only time you rhyme in the poem, yet it feels slightly forced. Either that or it was accidental, but still the last line feels a little weird.

The final stanza was also good, it has the best flow of the poem for the first 4 lines. I'd suggest either changing or separating the last line as it does interrupt this flow a bit.

Overall, I like the poem because it's quirky and happy, which isn't common enough in the poetry section. You have an interesting way of sharing your thoughts and it's well set out. You command of the poetic form is strong, as shown through your language and general flow, though in a few areas there were issues to be addressed. That said, I thought this was very good, so well done :)

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191 Reviews

Points: 7136
Reviews: 191

Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:03 am
Nargles wrote a review...

I really like this poem.
It is good, to the point and has a great flow.
My favourite part was the ending, to me it shows how easy it is to get lost in music, how it is an escapism. I don't really like the last line though, it throws the whole poem off, like it shouldn't be there. In saying that I see what you want to convey, you just need to alter it slightly.

It is cute and has a real youthfulness to it.
I don't really know what else to say except good job!

Nargles xx

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41 Reviews

Points: 648
Reviews: 41

Thu Mar 28, 2013 5:11 am
illitar wrote a review...


okay this sounds like a dance of some sort in a high school. the attention to the sound and ignoring the rest that is around you is the epidemic of " getting into the music." i like this.

there are a few spots that make it hard to read such as
" Not everything’s fine
Not everything’s alright"
they are fragments but instead of "not" you could use something else to make it flow better like "everythings not alright" ect.

but keep at it. i like this
" Drunk on root beer
High on sugar"

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Points: 2227
Reviews: 157

Thu Mar 28, 2013 2:45 am
arianaSarroyo wrote a review...

Hi there tgirly! I am going to attempt to post a review today. I'm not great at reviewing but I'll give it a try. :-)

Anyway, to start off, you are off to a good start. Also I admire your innocent high as opposed to drug indiced and possibly harmful high. I think it's a cute, creative little way of saying live your life to the fullest. Also, I thought the vocabulary utilized here was a bonus. It was simple, but sweet and it got the point across.

Here, however are some of the aspects that I didn't perhaps care for as much. For one, the ending. The ending, in my opinion was good, but you could make it better. Here are some of the ways I think you can improve on it.

The mast three lines per say were quite bland. The vast majority of the other lines were more creatibe and less dull. The three lines, however I think were a bit of a let down. I'm not saying to completely redo that part, but perhaps your poem could be better with slightly altered lines to fit the rest of the poem.

You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote