another poem about Love and Nature

Love this little poem you wrote! I'm pretty sure our conversation inspired this - so you could give me a little credit. *wink wink*

I think your grammatical and capitalization choices are right on point. The un-capitalized "i" highlights how the world and poetry isn't about "us" or people or the "i"s. It is about these 2 big ideals Love & Nature.

I'm not in love with the stanza breaks. I almost would like to see one big mass with no breaks, or breaking a little bit more consistently. I think you may want to experiment with different ways to highlight the fact that you're emphasizing "nature" & "love" the choice to capitalize surely highlights these, but it is immediately concerning to read the phrase "human Nature". I realize this is intentional, but I'm not sure if the move is worth it just because of how disturbing it is. Maybe that's what you're going for though --- pushing the enveloped. Perhaps you could put "human" in "quote marks" ... just something to think about. Italics could be another solution.

Another line I'd like you to play with is "the dust his shoes kicked up". I get it, you make ink (metaphorical or not) with the dust (past actions/words) of others... but I want your metaphors and images to more clearly connect and not just be 4 little stories in 1 little poem. Your poem is simply too short for 4 vignettes in my opinion. [I could be completely off base here, but these are just my initial feelings] If you can expand this line, or better connect all the stories I think you could change a great poem into a great poem that is accessible and meaningful to more readers. Basically if you can weave a concrete/substantive story into anything you can win over readers who skim right past symbolism and creative capitalization choices. You make it something that appeals to the heart and the mind. That was a long-winded way of saying please tie in this line to the rest of the poem or leave it out. ps if you've actually already succeeded in doing this, and I just missed it please inform me.

A few last suggestions.
Rethinking the use of the word capitalism may be a good idea, it is a trigger word of sorts, and could be distracting for some readers. Can you convey the same concepts without using language that spurs polarizing debate? There may not be a good way of doing this. To be clear, what you wrote is not in any way offensive, it just has the potential of being distracting. I'm also questioning your choice to put a period after this line in the last stanza "All is Love." but not after this line "All is Nature" - seemed out of place. And in the 3rd stanza is "more" the word you're looking for? Because what could be more than Love & Nature? They just want "variety"... Just somethings to think about.

Great piece - genuinely excited about this topic and want to engage with more meta poetry themes like this in my own work. Perhaps we can collaborate on a collection or a piece sometime?

~alliyah

You seem to have a natural voice in writing; I really enjoy your verbalization of such a sensitive selection of feelings. Personification was used well in a very subtle way which I can appreciate as a writer myself. Your word choice is very powerful but well suited; you use an aggressive array of words in a very calm beautiful way.
Thank you for sharing and please check back on my page at a later date to see some of my work. I just joined and was unable to have any posted, as it is review day.
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Thanks again

Hi geeky here:)

I will start with the good as most review do;)
I absolutely adore your title. It really tells you what you're going to be reading about and it really shows that you know you've been repetitive, but who cares? You're an amazing writer! and I didn't find many things that caught my eye:)

There were a few though. Your I's are not capitalized... Is that on purpose?
One other thing that bothered me is that the poem really doesn't seem to flow...
I know it's 100% you and I completely and utterly hate when people say this to me, so may I be striked down by god himself, but maybe if you read through it and change a few things it'll flow just a bit better. Or maybe I just need to read it differently.
Keep writing kiddo! you're worth it:)

your friend,
geeky

Hey, this is kman134 and i'm here to review.

i have read the entire poem and found it pretty interesting. the problem with it is the spacing and the grammar, which was a little difficult to pay attention. The spacing needs some work because it's hard to read. however, the use of symbolisms and metaphors in the poem were very enticing and insightful on the world we live in.

"as i penciled shots
against capitalism's greed,
as they ricocheted off
the Love of money."

This is a very intrigue criticism to the ideology of capitalism and its' tendency to influence greed; however, i have to disagree that it's not capitalism, in general, but the capitalist themselves who are greedy due to the fact that we are human. so, despite the greed and avarice, it still enforces private property and the opportunity for work.

All and all it is a great work; i hope you write some more.