Well, here's a poem that escaped any reviews or comments, but fear no longer tgirly! Alliyah is here to review it!
So I like the religious imagery and themes, and I think they certainly give heightened meaning to the piece. For the most part I think the rhyming is also done well.
Some phrasing that was a bit off for me:
"four for the ends" --- what "ends" is this referring to?
Stanza 2 adds action and drama, but the phrasing gets a little choppy - can you reduce some syllables or add some more internal rhyme?
"9 for the heck of it" seems misplaced in a religious poem! If you want to refer to "hell" (the place) just go for it!
I really like the drama of getting to thirty, it's clever and makes a person realize how few that really is.
For a quick note -- I think "shekkel" has just one "k".
Overall this piece has an important message and was an enjoyable read!
~alliyah
Points: 144400
Reviews: 1227
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