z

Young Writers Society



Thirty

by tgirly


One for anger,
Two for revenge,
Three in rebellion,
Four for the ends.

Five for lies
That rolled off the tongue,
Six; you can't stop.
Now you've begun.
Seven to escape.
Eight to get right back in

Nine for the heck of it,
Ten because you can,
Eleven out of thoughtlessness,
Twelve becaus you did.

Thirteen, in case something happens.
Fourteen, in case it doesn't.
Fifteen to hide the pain,
Sixteen to hide the blame.

Seventeen out of need,
Eighteen out of habit,
Nineteen out of greed,
Twenty, because you think
You deserve it.

Twenty one when you're not looking,
Twenty two, now you're scared.
Twenty three now you're weak,
Twenty four because you don't care.

Twenty five, because you're bored
Twenty six because it's fair
Twenty seven to prove a point,
Twenty eight because you simply
Don't know any other way.

Twenty nine, because they told you
Not to
And thirty just slips right in,
Thirty little shekkels,
Dashed upon the floor.

Thirty unimportant shekkels,
Thirty tiny pieces of silver,
Leading to two men's
Last breaths
To two men's
Early deaths.

But lucky for us,
One wasn't
Just a man,
But also God;
Thirty shekkels no match for Him.


Thirty pieces of silver
Was the price paid for him,
Yet he was the price
Paid for every sin.

So whatever shekkels
You have hidden under your bed
Just come and lay them
At Jesus's feet
And you will be pure again.


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1227 Reviews


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Sun Jun 25, 2017 2:28 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



Well, here's a poem that escaped any reviews or comments, but fear no longer tgirly! Alliyah is here to review it!

So I like the religious imagery and themes, and I think they certainly give heightened meaning to the piece. For the most part I think the rhyming is also done well.

Some phrasing that was a bit off for me:
"four for the ends" --- what "ends" is this referring to?

Stanza 2 adds action and drama, but the phrasing gets a little choppy - can you reduce some syllables or add some more internal rhyme?

"9 for the heck of it" seems misplaced in a religious poem! If you want to refer to "hell" (the place) just go for it!


I really like the drama of getting to thirty, it's clever and makes a person realize how few that really is.

For a quick note -- I think "shekkel" has just one "k".

Overall this piece has an important message and was an enjoyable read!

~alliyah





And you have to flaunt the weird, my friends.
— Alex Fierro