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139,496 Literary Works • 672,587 Reviews
Flawless.
PeanutPhoebe, here to review!!
You are really good!! I've been going through your poems, and you're amazing!! I love the short sweetness of this one. Also the emphasis on glass was really cool. Since glass is delicate and fragile, that's what i thought about everything you described as glass. The beat could use a little work in this, but other than that, this is great!! Keep up the good work!!
PeanutPhoebe
*Hyperventilates a little*
You're way too good!!
I can't even give you a serious review, I'm freaking out too much... XD
Slow down so I can catch up!!
I really liked this. It's short, but still carries the message. The lines are short and snappy, providing somewhat of a rhythm. The one line that kind of bothered me was "Afraid to throw rocks". It leaves the reader thinking, yes, but it can also confuse them. Who do they want to throw rocks at? Where did they come from? you know, things like that. Other than that, this piece was flawless and I love it! Keep writing!
~Fallen
This is really good, it gave me chills! Only minor criticism is that you don't need to start every line with a capital letter if it's not the start of a sentence. Other than that really beautifully written, so simple but so powerful. I love it! Keep writing.
Wow, what a neat little poem! How I wish it could be longer, but it's kind of cute the way it is
You're very succinct in your use of language, the lines are short, snappy and for that reason, have quite a profound effect. In very few words, you've created quite a vivid image and for that I applaud you!
What I would question is the third line of the second stanza - 'Afraid to throw rocks,'
It's very ambigious and makes the reader think, but perhaps it is a little too ambigious? Where did these rocks suddenly come from? Who are the dolls wanting to throw the rocks at? That sort of thing.
I think in another more ambigious, abstract context that line would work, but - and this is just my opinion mind - for me I'm not sure it works.
To sum up, I love the language and the images you've created, but it's just that one line that I'm not sure I understand