It's where I retreat
And where I explore,
It's where we met
And where you left.
It's when I taught you
To dance,
And when you learned to
Cry.
It's how you first lived,
While finally accepting
Your mortality.
It's why you can,
And why I can't,
It's why we laughed
And why we kissed.
It's the reason you came back,
And the reason I let you.
It's the reason you're here now,
Though you shouldn't be.
Because, you're different now.
You've changed.
The person who lives
In my mind
Is gone.
It's where we met.
It's when you cried.
It's how you lived.
It's why you can.
It's the reason you came back.
And the reason
I have to let
You go.
Because in those months
That we were apart,
Those teeny, tiny months
You changed.
And I changed.
I wish I could be
The person I am
In your mind.
I wish you were
The person you were
In my memory.
But I can't.
You and me,
Will never be we
Again.
Because
Of
Memories.
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139,496 Literary Works • 672,587 Reviews
PeanutPhoebe, here to review!! Awesome job. This is a really good poem. I assume this is based off a real experience? I agree with TheMessenger tho, that stanza that says
"It's when I taught you
To Dance,
And when you learned to
Cry"
First off, the beat in that stanza is awkward. Secondly, you were talking about a couple, and I don't think by the time they're old enough to date the one wouldn't know how to dance or cry. I also just think that stanza doesn't really fit. Also, a lot of the other stanzas were split up awkwardly. I love the rhyme to this, and the descriptions are really good, too. Great job!! Keep writing!!
PeanutPhoebe
Thus poem was really coo. I liked its rhythm, except for the this stanza.
It's when I taught you
To dance,
And when you learned to
Cry.
To me it feels out of place; to short compared to your other stanzas. Also, although you don;t have to do this, I would suggest making your stanzas more consistently long. some are eight lines, others are four. I think it would help to make them more even. Anyway, great job.
Keep it up!
Hey, here to review! Overall, nice work, although you used a lot of commas where they were not needed. Anyway, here we go (my comments will be blue)...
This poem was good. It had a broken up feeling, but it worked here. Last time I will say it, but stop using so many commas! At some parts, it became confusing because there were too many. I liked the poem overall, though. Good work, and never stop writing!I really like this poem. I feel like it's along the lines of the statement "I don't love you, I love who you used to be." & I'm sure there are plenty of people that can relate to that!
Regarding the line "It's how you first lived,While finally excepting,Your mortality." I think you might've mean accepting? Sorry if I'm wrong but I know those kinds of things can be tricky
Hello, I liked the poem. Your emotions ar nicely protrayed and I found it very sweet.
I like this line:
It is not the only stanza I liked but overall well done
That was impressive i must say, memories can be pleasant but sometimes they are hard to live with. I like the rhyming in the beginning lines, but i observed the pattern didn't follow in the subsequent lines, i don't know, maybe that is your pattern of writing, nice laying down of thoughts, a good one, keep it up.
Sounds familiar...it really captures what a lot of people feel. I love it. I love the style you wrote it in, jerky and separated. Really, really good.