Listen to me and I’ll listen to you.
Independency is too difficult; lean on me.
Everything I do is for you.
Simply trust me, and I’ll save us both.
--
Let me help you.
I love you. Don’t worry;
everything I do is for free. You
see me staring in your eyes, telling the truth.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I just have to comment to say, I finally get this poem's title!! This poem is an acrostic!
Great effort per sé,compliments of the season(it's reviws day!).Am glad yet sad,the poem title give the reader a geniue expentancy(more,in form of,Figurative usage).I thought the poem's obvously archaic,but its beauty reveals itself to me:"let me help you.Don't worry.I love you"nice as the words may seem,they dont actually merge into flowing lyrics,the period act as rythm barrier and i exected climax or anti,like:-"dont worry,Let me help you,I love you"Take care dearie!quite a grand work,a little touch and...Alas!,it would be danm B-E-A,utiful
Unlike Caroleen, I did not see the depth it this poem. I thought it was very simple.
However, I did like it's raw, simple structure.
But if you are matching it with the title "Telling the Truth", maybe you would like to twist the concept and actually portray truth as a very complex thing!
I would re-write it, using imagery, and incorporating feeling/emotion!
What I would keep would be the simple exchange you use in your pronouns: the simplicity of "you" and "I".
You don't have any spelling or grammatical errors, so that's great!
Overall, just try increasing your vocabulary, and I would try to make your poem a little bit more complex.
I think your initial intention was to sarcastically portray the image of truth, but in keeping it in a basic form, it's not clearly revealed that the truth you actually speak of is a lie.
Just evolve it more, and this should be a very interesting poem to read!
Good luck and keep writing!
-Sbitonti
Like Noelle and Crystal said your title does not match the poem. For a long time I just sat and wondered why you choose this title. I came up with nothing. Other than the ending.
I did enjoy this poem.
For me this was one of the best lines in this poem. It feels rather romantic in a way. I don't know if that was what you were going for but it is what I felt went reading it.
Your subject matter I found very interesting. I have seen poems using this subject matter before but this was one of the few I really thought took the concept and made it original.
However, there was an essence of blandness in the poem. I felt as if you lacked real emotion and it greatly needed imagery.
All in all I thought your poem was done very well but was slightly lacking. Happy writing!
I love this poem so much. It's so deep and raw. I love it so so so much. The spacing is a little off. I don't like how you ended the second to last stanza with "You". It looks awkward and you should have put it into the next stanza. I think the "--" should go after both. It would look better and make it flow better. Really the spacings are just placed awkwardly. I think if you go in and fix the spacing, then this poem would be so much better. Keep up the good work!
I'm glad you liked it; thanks for reviewing!
Hi there!
First of, I'd like to say that I agree with Crystal about your title. I don't see how the title relates based on what I've read. But there's obviously a reason that you chose that title so it must mean something and I just can't figure out out.
What I like about this poem is the word 'you' at the end of every other line. It's definitely unconventional and it gives your poem something unique. I found myself looking for a pattern, something else at the end of the other lines, but there's nothing. There's no other rhyming in this. I think that's really cool. Like I said, it makes your poem unique.
There's really only one thing that I think you could improve on in this poem. There's no imagery. The only imagery I find was the last line where your characters are starting into each other eyes. Maybe you could find a way to use a few different words to create more imagery.
Overall I like this poem. I don't see any spelling or grammar errors. Thumbs up. Your poem flows really well too. Keep up the good work.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
If I titled the poem "Lies", would that give the acrostic part away too easily?
Thanks for your review; it was really helpful. You're right, it does need more imagery.
Hiya! Crystal here with a review for you!
Okay so I think this was a wonderful work of literature and I found no grammar/spelling flaws in it. I like it and I could see the point of it but I didn't really feel like you were trying to write what you felt. I think these two part explained it really well though:
Okay so first I wanted to say the one problem I had with this poem. The only thing I found even remotely connected to the title of this piece was the last line. Maybe its just me but I would have made it more about truth trust and comfort. Just saying....
and
These two are really good examples of what I think this poem was written to mean. But hey, that may just be me and the way I read this poem. It's a little rough around the edges but a great work otherwise. Keep writing!!! ^^
~Crystal
Thanks so much for the review! If I titled the poem 'Lies', would it give the acrostic part away to easily?
No not really