How to Get Rid of a Reminding Conscience

I actually really liked this poem (I read it via the last reviewer's fixed version XD). There was something very blunt but sentimental about it, and that's something that's hard to master in poetry. It's so honest and pure, and I genuinely felt an emotional connection with the poem as a whole. These were my favorite lines:

"Then, if you still have a memory to spare,
Forget the sight of a heartbeat:
Meaning forget how to care.
And then, only then
When all good is now lost
From your tiny, putrid, tasteless thoughts
Then I will be, finally and forever
Forgotten.

Until I'm remembered."


This poem wasn't perfect, but there was a definite truth. It felt like it was being spoken, which is why I don't mind that it isn't polish-perfect. Keep writing and have a good day!

Here ya go.
[quote=tgirly]
Forget it.
Forget everything.
Forget the world,
And your enemies.

Forget the dawn,
And the evening's glory,

Forget to breathe,
Forget to hurry.

Forget the sun,
Forget my tears,
Forget the years upon years
Upon years.

Forget our quarrels
Forget my face
Forget the words you said
Which will never be erased.

Forget the sound
Of the wind's path
Forget the times
We both laughed

Then, if you still have a memory to spare,
Forget the sight of a heartbeat:
Meaning forget how to care.
And then, only then
When all good is now lost
From your tiny, putrid, tasteless thoughts
Then I will be, finally and forever
Forgotten.

Until I'm remembered.
[/quote]

Overall meh. I get what you're doing and it just doesn't work for me. The title is catchy, but repetition is kinda flat, the first few stanzas don't really work (if you're trying to slowly escalate why would you start by forgetting the world?), and the word "meaning" in the last stanza breaks the momentum, (this reads like a rant, don't stop to clarify).

I like it. Despite the unfortunate formatting, it is good and held my interest the whole way through. You chose a good title that grabbed my attention, started slowly and build up the poem, becoming increasingly depressing until the fourth last line, when it turns to the writer's hatred or disgust at the person they are writing about. I cannot see any flaws in it save the formatting. Well done.

this is kinda sad when you think about it..........

Really, REALLY sorry guys about the formatting; for some reason it's not registering when I click enter, which is kind of important for a poem.