The man hops onto the stage
and shouts to the crowd.
The words spread in a crazed game of telephone.
By the time they reach the farthest,
the words had lost all
but their whit and beauty,
meaning seeped out.
Still, the people cry back,
agreeable in their ignorance,
and pledge loyalty all the same,
the reason why misplaced.
They begin to spread,
like ink in water.
Their determination: strong.
A soldier marching forward,
with mission clear
and vision narrowed,
seeing nothing but the goal,
not those betrayed along the way,
left low, stepped over and on.
Until they become the stepping stones
to those identical in thought,
and in action
to themselves.
They wait for the next wave,
ready to spring at nothing,
listening not for words and sense
but for volume, for fervor and feeling,
for a good show to pledge their strength to.
And again, they rise and race.
Backwards, forwards.
Flung about by the winds and tides,
Building wooden piles impersonating platforms
Flung together quickly and turned
into fuel for the fire just as easily,
their heads filled with tickling feathers,
with sparkles and shine and silver-linings,
with no substance to fall back on.
When they slip through the cracks,
they will look to the man on the stage,
ask who to blame.
He will point to anyone, but
his will be exempt.
They don’t want to hear their faults,
just those of another.
With teeth sharpened,
they will set out
towards the next victim
of their unwillingness to think for themselves.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Wow, great job describing the helplessness of our society. The truth is, that sometimes people our so desperate to find a cause or a leader that they don't care what, or who, it is. Great formatting, with a quick look I didn't find any mistakes, every impressive and shockingly true. Keep writing!
I really liked this poem. A poem about politics is a small rarity on this site! This piece reminded me a lot of Les Miserables, particularly the scene in which Marius and Enjolras are gathering supporters for their grand protest (being a massive Les Mis nerd, this furthered my enjoyment of this piece).
However, there were a few things I took issue with. Firstly, I wish this piece was divided into stanzas. It may just be a personal preference, but stanzas make a poem easier on the eyes, give it a more orderly feel and help with cadence. Speaking of cadence, that was another problem I had. With this piece it was hard to find a clear rhythm which, given the subject matter, is desperately needed. This isn't some flowery love poem which can get away with being loose and disjointed. This is a piece about war and crimes of passion. Think like war drums; strong, steady beats. While I loved the content, I feel like this poem has some serious formatting issues. If this piece is reworked, I think it could be truly great.
I hope my review helps you get started in the revision process. While it may be a long and bumpy road, revision is key to making writing great. Good luck!
~Olivia
Did you cry when Eponine cried? I cried. Love that movie too.
Thank you so much for commenting, Olivia; the encouragement is great and that advice is awesome.
Yes! I want this poem to have stanzas too! But it's not letting me put them in right now. As soon as I figure that out, I'll edit it and before I figure that, I'll definitely edit the line breaks. Thanks!
-tgirly
I love this, because It has to do with polotics and I'm obsessed with them.
Yeah; I put that line in as an afterthought; I should probably rework it to make more sense or take it out. Thanks for the advice!
I really enjoyed reading this
the only thing that I would have to say is you didn't capitalize a couple things. Its awesome anyways 
tThis is my favorite part "Still, the people cry back,
agreeable in their ignorance,
and pledge loyalty all the same,
the reason why misplaced.
They begin to spread,
like ink in water.
Their determination: strong.
A soldier marching forward,
with mission clear
and vision narrowed,
seeing nothing but the goal,
not those betrayed along the way,
left low, stepped over and on.
Until they become the stepping stones
to those identical in thought, "
Overall, that was really good.
I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the review!
Hello, I'm K and hopefully this review will be helpful!
My big comment is about the structure of your poem as a whole. To me, it didn't make any sense. Almost as if you hit the 'enter' bar whenever you felt it was necessary. For this poem, I read it as if I was reading Shakespeare- just speeding along and reading it as a story even if it's structured like a poem. Reading it like that, though, makes it lose it's effect on the reader. My poetry mentor actually suggests taking out all of the breaks in a piece of poetry and taking a break, then coming back and putting breaks in places where you just think it'll fit. If it's the same, great. But if it's different it'll most likely be better.
Other than your structure, this is a really good poem! No major mistakes, and you tell a pretty stellar story. I really, really liked it and I hope you keep writing!
Probably the first time my poems have ever been referred to as Shakespeare-like. Great review; thanks!