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139,784 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
I have absolutely no memory of this.
I forgot about this one. Best line "With all its vanities and fallacies" <3 Need more poetry from you @tgirly!
This is not a review - but check out this banner:
PeanutPhoebe, here to review again!!
This is really cool. I love the way you describe things well without being super wordy. It is a tiny bit confusing about what is going through to the end tho... I would say you could even split it up a little smaller into more stanzas. I really don't know what else to say besides that it's very interesting. Great job, and keep writing!!
PeanutPhoebe
I enjoyed reading this, but I'm not sure I understand what it is about. What is this unending love? Did you have something in mind? I think TazmaniaGirl is right that you could write more to it. I would also suggest adding punctuation and breaking it into stanzas such as...
I suggest you change some of the lines following it so that they form more complete thoughts, rather than having all of them be short descriptions. Instead of "With its waves trickling into eternity [line break] older than the golden sun", you could say, "Its waves trickle into eternity,[insert line break] outlasting the golden sun." It has, more or less, the same meaning, but it allows the reader to pause between thoughts. That's why punctuation is necessary in poetry.
I think the theme and word choice of your poem are well done, though. The lines flow nicely into one another. Good job.
it's a beautiful poem. But it would sound better with punctuations. Keep writing!
-A
Hi there!
TazmaniaGirl to review here!
Okay, so, here goes...
Posatives -
I love this poem, I truely do, it's got a great flow to it, and that's what every poem needs.
There is a large amount of description in everyline, so that's great.
You wrote it with your sister, and two is always better then one, so both of you, give yourselves a pat on the back.
Negatives -
I only two negatives, and trust me, there not bad...ish.
The lack of punctuation in this poem. Things like full stops, and commas. Maybe ! and ?
Also, ITS TOO SHORT!!!
WRITE MORE!!!!
This is a good thing because I like the poem, and I would love to hear more, and I think everyone else would love to, too!
OVERALL -
You and your sister have put alot of effort into this, and it really shows.
Keep writing!
~ TazmaniaGirl xx