I feel backwards off a stage,
like life's an act and I've lost
my script. Stage kisses, stage tears,
painted on by stage hands.
All the flowers I know never grow.
Frozen in vases just for show,
invisible ropes pull me to and fro
as I pretend to care, pretend to cheer,
practice my lines and plan my career.
Wait for my cue over years and years.
There is my mask, here are my friends:
cardboard cutouts leaning against nightstands.
I shall take a bow as the band
plays the encore score.
Wond'ring what they'll clap for.
Should I have done more?
But the audience is empty.
The audience is only me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,784 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
Hello tgirly!
The rhyming was a little inconsistent, but to me, that can be good or bad. I liked it in this poem. It was odd and a little bit off, which I (personally) think carried the theme well.
I liked the ending a lot, but I feel like it could have been worded a bit better.
I liked “life's an act and I've lost my script,” a LOT. It’s probably my favorite line in the poem. However, I did have a bit of a problem with how it fit with the line before it. It’s seemed almost tacked on to the end of the previous sentence and could have flowed better.
Overall, it was clever and enjoyable. Your brief description got me curious and brought me in. Lovely job.
Thanks for the great feedback!
Hello tgirly~
This is MergSword here with a review!
Grammar Issues and Other Errors
I found multiple grammar issues and other others throughout the poem. I tend to notice when words are or aren't capitalized. I just didn't like how some words were randomly capitalized, and some weren't. I do understand that you capitalized after a period, but sometimes you capitalized randomly. Also, commas are also thrown around randomly in some places, while in some there is no punctuation, similarly to the capitalization.
The Pros of this Poem
I did like various parts of the poem, and the feeling of loneliness to the narrator. I think the poem perfectly matched it's chosen genre. Lonely poems like these definitely get my mind thinking, and in a good way.
The Cons of this Poem
The con of this poem was the rhyme scheme. It had random rhyming here and there. Sometimes there was no rhyming, sometimes two lines rhymed, sometimes three, sometimes the rhyming pattern altered. Although this is sometimes normal for a poem, it makes it hard to comprehend.
My Overall Opinion
The poem was okay. The emotion to it remained the same throughout, and it was very strong. However the poem was formatted, punctuated and said very oddly, which could use some work.
~Keep on Writing
Thanks for the great review; I've got some editing to do on the poem but I'm glad you like the mood of the poem.
I really like this poem! The rhyming is perfect and the I love the metaphor. If I understand it correctly it is a person pretending to be happy and kind floating through life and I find, especially at this point in the school year, that it is very relatable. Every line there is a very clear picture and I like how it all fits together so well. It also is easy to read and flows nicely. That's so funny you were inspired by a typo! Inspiration seems to come from the most random places. Good job!
Thanks for reading it and the wonderful comment!
Really appreciated it.