Young Writers Society

Hi, tgirl, Pineapple here for a short review.

My apologies for being late to review. I just happened to stumble across this poem and thought I would give it a read. Thank goodness I did. This piece was as relatable as it was realistic.

First loves seem to be the hardest, don't they? Because you never know how to take it, you have never experienced this so-called love before. Yet, it is also beautiful as well. I loved how you touched on "unrequited love" in this piece. It was heartbreaking as well as inspiring, you were telling the reader that heartbreak gets better, you grow from it.

I adored the line "I felt like all the ya romances I'd ever read had lied to me". Books seem to capture love as this wonderful thing and it takes away from how love can hurt us as well. I do suggest capitalizing YA, by the way.

Overall, wonderful writing. I enjoyed reading it. I hope to see more of your work!

Signed,
Pineapple

Honestly I do feel the same way, love is just an unwanted package that comes with overwhelming new feelings. It eventually leaves on vulnerable, after oversharing you eventually end up as strangers again. What we humans consider as love dies. We fall out of love.
I like the ending part when you said the present isn't our life even when it's just a part of it.
I loved the 3rd to the last line. The "mess up in so many interesting new tragic ways".
Have a nice day.

Hi tgirly!

My name is Elinor, and I wanted to drop by to give you a quick review. I really enjoyed this poem, and it felt very real to me -- I've definitely been in this situation before, and you touched on it in a very resonant way.

"I felt like all the ya romances I'd ever read had lied to me" -- this part hit especially.

The one thing I would suggest playing with when you go to revise this is your line breaks. Sometimes they worked for me, and other times they didn't. For instance, I wonder how the effect would change if "I fell in love once" was on one line. It seems like when the narrator is being wistful, it's effective to play around with the line breaks, and when she is sharing the coldness of reality, everything is formatted normally.

Not sure if this was intentional, but this is something I noticed. It seems like the narrator is starting by telling us things don't work out like in stories, and then goes back to how this all happened.

Another minor comment, I had to look up what IBS was. I might just be dumb, but it might work to write it out in case anyone else doesn't know.

That's all I have for now. Once again, splendid work with this.

Let me know if you have any questions, and happy writing!

I like the message in your poem. Love isn't our entire lives, it is only a part of it. While tomorrow isn't guaranteed, we can expect it and continue living our lives. We can move on and find someone else. Or we can move on by ourselves and not worry about the person we had to leave. The saying leaving is easy it's moving on that is hard is very true, but it gets easier over time.

<3