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139,496 Literary Works • 672,587 Reviews
Hi Tgirly!! My first review of your work!!
*giggles and trips over a lego* So.... here it goes.
First of all I like the different sounds in the poem, the consonance. The first stanza has this in every line. You could try to add some more to the secound stanza if possible. I'm curious if you mean in the last line that "the might and pitied are one" that they are the same person, or that they do the same things?
I personally think this "poemette" is sort of the perfect size, you can read it really quick, it sounds cute, and it's also the type of thing you could memorize, write in your agenda book, and think about later. You could, of course, always extend it, but then again making it twice as long doesn't neccessarally mean it would be twice as good.
I'd also like to suggest changing the title possibly only for the reason that I'm not sure " pitied's " is an actuall word. You could try to find a synonym for pitied for the title I guess. Well that's all I got.
Thank you for sharing you poem and keep it up!!
~~Ally-wa
I think you need to add a longer poem here, another stanza or two. Nothing really happens or catches my interest. I like how it rhymes.