Are You Angry with Me?

"I / can turn your embrace into a chrysalis.... My / own aching self."

Love these lines.

(still love this poem btw)

<3

Hey tally-wa,

this is a super lovely poem! I really like everything you did here.

Imagery
The first few images you play with are so "UGH" that it makes it uncomfortable to resonate with the narrator ~ and yet, I find myself totally identifying with them. I do like that the poem didn't end in the wallowing, but gave a little taste of "maybe we can transform a bit" - but overall, ah I just love how you're not afraid of uncomfortable imagery or themes, that's something I'm finding I really like in poetry especially recently, is I'm a bit sick of the angst without imagery and sick of the beauty without reality - > so making this concrete and uncomfy really I think is going to resonate with people, even if they don't initially see it as "poetic".

Line Breaks (LOVE!)
I can tell the lines are broken up very artfully and intentionally to highlight the "me" / "I' / "My" and I didn't even catch how "me" is at the end of "home" and "become" and the strong "I" sounds at the end of lines 2, 3, 4 the first time I read it. Some readers are going to miss that, but honestly I wouldn't change it - I think it gives it a really nice and modern feel to read and also boosts the ambiguity of whether I'm supposed to like or dislike or empathize with this narrator.

Meaning
First I understood the poem to be about anxiety over someone else who the narrator things hates them, but I also think it might be able to be interpreted as trying to deal with self-hate - which is way more complicated but I think totally fits with the emphasis on Me / I and also the chrysalis image at the end. That in the end there isn't anything the external can do to make us love or hate or self, it's all cooped up inside and we have to kind of deal with is. Really messy and interesting because of the ambiguity!

I don't know that I have any critiques, but if I think of some I'll let ya know, or if you have specific questions about things that worked / didn't work also feel free to let me know! <3

You're writing is so cool; I want to write like you when I grow up! :')

Lots of love~

alli-y

Hi, hello, greetings, salutations, good morning, good evening, good afternoon, good evening, good day, and goodnight as well as many other pleasant things that I do not have time for.
anyway, Wolf here.
put quite simply, this poem was beautiful.
I love the imagery and symbolism you use through out it,
the only thing that I find draws away from it at all is the format you use is a bit distracting withe lines that to me look to be chopped up at random.
one other suggestion is that perhaps you could add a line at the end that kind of goes back to your original line of "I am a tide" just to tie it all together.
I love the emotions you convey here. All together good work.
Keep writing! I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future
As always,
W.O.Wolf

Hello!!

Before I say anything, I just want to mention that I really liked reading this poem!! The surface is amazing, and the more I read it over the more I see the depth between each line. I can assure you that I understand the effort you must have put in to make such a lovely piece!! Below, I'm just mentioning a few things I've noticed while looking through it. I'm not the best critic in the world, these are just some suggestions and things I've noted!!

Line & Stanza Separation
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The formatting is very unique to me (/neu). I really like the way it looks, however reading it became tricky to me. What I had noticed was that you would start a sentence, then switch to the next line to finish it. I've also realized that there are no stanzas for me to point out. Possibly, in the future, you could separate each idea with a new verse/stanza, similar to how you separate ideas in paragraphs in essays or books!! When referring to the line separation, you could possibly finish a sentence before changing the line, or switch in the middle of one to emphasize the second point.

Starting and Ending Your Work
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This is just my opinion, but when looking at the beginning and ending of this poem, it seemed quite empty to me. Maybe you could begin your next work with an introduction-like stanza? Possibly to give the reader an idea of what the speaker is referencing in the verse, or entire poem. This will maybe set the tone/mood of the piece, giving the reader some context or knowing of the ideas that the speaker has running through their mind. As for the ending, maybe you could end your next work with a resolution, or maybe a twist of some kind. Either way you take this, I genuinely really liked the way you ended and started this poem, calm and kept. Of course, this is all a personal preference of mine, don't take this too objectively!

Looking At the Piece As a Whole
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The way this poem looks doesn't match the energy and tone I get from it (/lh). This is opinionated, of course, but in the future you could possibly copy and paste the draft in another document, edit the font and formatting however you think works for the art, and submit the screenshot to YWS,,, this doesn't have to be done to create a good piece, but I think it would work with your writing style wonderfully!

Overall, this is a lovely, well-written poem, and I would love to see your new works in the near future. Don't take anything in this review too seriously, but I ask that you keep it in the back of your mind next time you're writing!! Let me know if any of my critiques are wrong or too harsh at all, I apologize if they are. I hope you are doing alright, keep doing what you love!!!! <33

fructose