Young Writers Society

Oh thank goodness! I like that you specify your rhyme pattern in the description. And you have really great rhythm. I've read so many poems who have no rhyme nor rhythm. That's not a poem, that's rambling. Of course there is freestyle, where rhyme doesn't matter, but rhythm is absolutely essential. And now I'm rambling.
Anyway, your poem sends a very clear message and it makes complete sense. Some of the other poems I've read on this sight have been very confusing because the poets responsible attempted to sound smart by using big words that really do not fit in context. You, however, seem to be experienced enough to avoid this. Your poem was easy to understand, smooth and easy to read, and exceptionally pleasant. It just sounds nice and beautiful. Your use of tone and mood are fantastic and add to the poem immensely.
Thanks for allowing me to read your work. I really enjoyed it! Keep writing and stay gold!

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review on Review Day!

So I see that this is a poem in the format of ABCB with the standard three stanzas for a total of twelve lines, and I have to say that I don't mind the rhyme that much. What I did find to be a little off is that with the second and fourth lines of each stanza, I found them to be slant rhymes rather than perfect ones, and I think it works well with the piece if you're trying to make the rhyming a backdrop of the rest of the poem. You wouldn't even have to point out that there's rhyme and I think it'd work effectively because it's not a main aspect of the poem.

What I did find about the structure that ended up being repetitive is the sentence structure, which I would to be rather weak. Throughout the whole piece there's this constant repetition where the first line has no punctuation and the second line ends with a period.

I'm going to suggest that you spice it up and make it more interesting with commas and semicolons where you find them appropriate for a stronger aesthetic and flow. Moving on from that and into the actual content of the poem, I found it to be generally romantic and delicate in tone, which I enjoyed. It's definitely not anything revolutionary and instead it builds on ideas that have already been touched upon before, yet it still works.

What I do believe could have been changed or made to be more original is the bed of roses since it seems that they're the only flowers that are written about in poetry. Go with something else! There are lavenders and bluebonnets and daisies and so many other flowers that are left untouched that could be written about. I get that it adds onto the trope but sometimes it's nice to see exploration in different places where we touch on subject matters or objects that aren't as familiar.

It works for what it is though I would like to see some more originality brought to the table. Tackle some new ideas to add onto the already built upon tropes of romance poetry that you've played around with here for a stronger piece, though it's already a nice read. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.