5.8.17 Kiss

I. songbirds seemed to sing as the morning began.

and the school seemed a little less dismal.

You walked to your locker with me

as you put away your stuff.

I noticed you were limping.

You had hurt your knee.

Silly boy.

I always wished you wouldn't get hurt,

riding on a bike with no breaks.

You blew it off as if it was nothing,

so I crushed my feelings and didn't bring it up.

We talked a little bit,

and my heart began to pound.

II. I gave you a small slip of paper,

one that said:

"1) I need to tell you a secret look at 5

2) The answer is look at 11

3) Don't get mad go to 15

4) Calm down don't be frustrated look at 13

5) First look at the 2nd one

6) Don't be that angry look at 12

7) You should look up at me now...

8) What I wanted to tell you is: the answer is on 14

9) Be patient look at 4

10) This is the last time I'm going to do this look at 7

11) I hope you're not annoyed when you read this go to 6

12) Sorry, look at 8

13) Don't get mad find 10

14) I don't know how to say this but look at 3

15) You must really be mad look at number 9"

A mystery waiting to be unravelled.

You read the entire note,

then looked up at me.

It was now or never.

III. I looked into your eyes.

They were beautiful.

Your face, perfect.

It happened in an unforgettable - and regrettable instant.

I leaned in,

aiming for your lips.

You moved your face, knowing what I was doing in a split second.

I kissed your strong jawline,

the side of your cheek.

Softly I said, "I love you",

as I pressed my face into your shoulder,

hugging you and not wanting to let go.

IV. You seemed to reject it.

Reject the kiss.

Reject the hug.

Reject me.

I had been waiting to do that for two years.

You had kissed my cheek on the last day of 7th grade.

And I waited all this time.

Not once did I kiss anyone before now.

Not once was I kissed besides you.

And it just happened, just unfolded

before I could tell myself to save it for a special time.

V. We didn't know what to make of it.

I told you I wanted to be with you.

And I told you I loved you [again].

But you didn't say either back...

It was your girlfriend this, your girlfriend that.

You told me you were going to break up with her,

that we might get together.

But why haven't you?

You said it was hard for you,

and I could hardly breathe as I spoke to you.

VI. If I had a chance,

if I had one simple chance to do it again,

I would wait.

Wait until you two broke it off.

Wait until you were sure you felt the same.

I could wait forever,

because I know I'm not what you want,

and I know you didn't want me to kiss you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I screwed things up.

I told you to forget it later on, but you said it was fine.

Fine for you - maybe.

But for me?

No...

VII. I think I'm going to allow myself

to once more succumb to the darkness when nobody's around.

It was one final act that let you know how much I loved you.

The first time I kissed you, something I've wanted to do for two years, and you...

You just...

Rejected me.

No, you didn't tell me you did,

but it was pretty simple hanging in the air, unsaid.

I don't think I will ever do that again,

ever dare myself to kiss such a beauty as you.

And I don't think I will ever forget this,

the time when I finally kissed the beautiful boy

who mended my broken soul.