that feeling when you know you love him.
the disappointment that follows when he tells you he's with someone else.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Heya, screamingsloth!!
Eros again here with a review for you!!
Just wanna say that this neither a poem, nor any essay nor any script nor any other l;iterary work. This is a work just BEYOND everything!
I really liked this one... Because just two lines, can express such a DEEP meaning.... I never knew this. And This happens you know... Especially when you fail to tell him everything
before you could even say a word, we come to know that somebody else has done it before us.
If not "done" before us... I mean it might be the case that we have been loving the person for more than a few years and someone who has been loving him since just a few months before, tells everything in a fraction of second, making the whole world crash in front of our eyes...
Since you say that you 'know' you love him... This eliminates the other possible cases which would have come forward otherwise, if you you had said that when you 'tell him' that you love him and to which he replies what you have said in the second line. This is NOT the case here... I suppose.
But these two line say everything!
BEAUTIFUL work...
Keep writing, as I said earlier...
Because we all love to keep reading such FANTASTIC works!
Have a great day/night!
~~Eros.
P.S : I can't believe that I wrote pretty long review for a stuff having just 2 lines!
Anyways... Leave it :p Haha!
Thanks Eros! I appreciate the feedback. Have a magical day!
Heya! First of all, the title is very evocative and instantly made me want to read what you had to say. I didn't expect such a short poem, but it worked very well. It gave across a sense of hopelessness and sadness through its blunt ending, and I think that you are a very talented poet for making me feel so much in just two lines. I like how there's not a lot of punctuation, except full-stops; it adds to the feeling of bluntness.
Well done!
How does one even begin to review this? 0_o
I can imagine this short piece being accompanied with a grand, colourful (and equally dark) painting of some kind. The poem is so short, yet it feels like there's something so much bigger behind it, an onion with endless layers to pull away. It really captures the emotion.
I love the lack of punctuation... followed by the full stops. They emphasize the end of the point, how separate the two feelings are. And you're also so blunt in your writing, ending it like that, and it works great.
If this was a 25 words or less sort of competition you'd probably be one of the finalists, if not the winner, because you've achieved so much with only two lines. Thanks for sharing.
gracevan here for a review!
first of all, I am a super big fan of short poetry. I think has the potential to have a much bigger impact when it's straight to the point. It hits a lot harder if that makes sense.
so I love that aspect, well done.
something you've done with the second line that I would suggest doing with the first is describing the actual feeling (disappointment) instead of just calling it "that feeling"
this is relatable and it hurts and it sucks but you've still got a lot of time for love, don't forget that. Time heals
hope this helps, hope you're doing well