Young Writers Society

This is amazing! I love the word choice, and the form of each stanza. I like how the "soldier girl" dresses the different people in her life. Just in my personal opinion I think it would be amazing and even more touching if she had a younger sibling. I love this though, and you are so very talented.

You are talented this is great all i can say is that this makes me appreciate the troops more and helps me understand what they leave behind and when they are gone they are only remembered for a few days and then forgotten like tears in rain.

Im curious about something what prompted you to write this?

Anyways onto the review:

Great message behind the poem and you hid it well too but it could use a little work there because while reading this it felt a little plain not in a bad way but you know it was building up but it fell flat for a few seconds however i really like what you have done with the last stanza "I did my best" sums it up perfectly but i feel a couple more stanza's could have been added.

however this is great and i hope you keep on writing content like this. Hope you have a great day

Hello there
I would first like to say that this narrative was moving and I could almost perfectly picture in my head each person as soldier girl said goodbye to them. As for critiquing it, I'm confused as to the rhyme scheme...its seems to be askew. I don't know if you did that on purpose, but stanzas such as the fathers had certain lines rhyming and easy to read rhythmically in your own head, while others did not. My only thought about it that may be negative is that it was a little bit difficult to read due to the erratic rhyme schemes thrown in, but please let me know if you meant to do that and I just viewed it wrong.
OVerall I thought that this poem was an interesting topic, heartfelt, and visually appealing and so I gave you a star. Good job!

How beautiful ^^ A very deep story told in lyrical/poetic form.

I really liked the way there was a dedicated paragraph to each kind of person- Mother, Father, Teacher, Friend and everyone else. I can picture each farewell in my head, and each quite emotional yet beautiful and courageous.

I see that each paragraph strictly has 8 lines to it, each one very short in words. When the "Soldier Girl" speaks to each person, it's just one word. I personally wonder whether connecting the following line to the person being spoken to would create a nicer introduction to what she had to say to them. For example, instead of separating "Mother" and "Don't be afraid," you connect them as one line, and come up with another line to each one. That's just my opinion-- I think it would really define each separate person from one another more instead of just their "title."

The grammar on some occasions may be a little bit out in how the lines are separated, but I'll leave that to the more experienced writers that know more than I do ^^;
Other than that, a beautiful poem.