Young Writers Society

Hey there ! I just wanted to say this is really cool and quirky as a poem, like how you've set it up as a chat room is awesome. Sorta gives imagery of the situation in a really unusual way!

Each line was very dramatic and it could be suggested that they're almost too dramatic - I read the review below - he has a point but.. I still like it anyway xD ! But I admire how determined MissDeprssed is in making her boyfriend/ girlfriend stay.. That's quite a strong attitude and emphasises her passion.

I also thought it was interesting how you crossed out the lines that she says .. Perhaps demonstrating that they're irrelevant because he's made up his mind , or she's too afraid to say them.

Furthermore, the line about "sorry for everything I am" - I thought that was quite sad and made me question what's wrong with her? Perhaps nothing but maybe she's overthinking things.. (Sounds like me xD )


Anyway this was really coool! Write moreee I'd love to read!


Laurennnn

Hey, yo, CallMeFreak! Strange here on this wonderful Thursday night and I have a review for you!

Alright, so, I'm going to get the point. I apologize if I say anything that rubs you the wrong way. In no way do I intend to be pessimistic nor negative. I only offer critiques the way I see them and I hope that they benefit you in some way. Does that sound cool? Cool.

I wasn't really big on this. It is soaked in melodrama, and that is what hurts it. It looks at heartbreak through a glass that is generic. If I were to offer advice, it'd be to spice it up. Don't aim towards predictable lines and simple delivery. Sure, the chatroom theme was interesting, but it didn't do too much to improve the poem. Let's get into this, shall we?

Let's get onto the first line.

MissDeprssed:

NoDesires:

MissDeprssed: I love you

NoDesires: I don't love you anymore

MissDeprssed: I want you

NoDesires: I once wanted you

MissDeprssed: Don't go

NoDesires: I hope you find someone better

MissDeprssed: I can't let you go

NoDesires: We can still be friends

MissDeprssed: Don't do this I need you

NoDesires: Good bye

MissDeprssed: No don't say goodbye

MissDeprssed: Please I can't lose you

MissDeprssed: This isn't happening. I'm having a nightmare.

MissDeprssed: You're gone aren't you

MissDeprssed: I'm so so sorry for everything I am

MissDeprssed: I love you so much

MissDeprssed: I don't think I can say goodbye

soo true...simple words conveyed so much pain..a very nice try

Hey

I really loved this concept of conveying unexpressed thoughts with strikeouts! For me those striked out lines are messages I type but end up backspacing while the ones I send are just covered lies. More often than not we end up hiding our true emotions just to save embarrassment. But there is no embarrassment in truth. There shouldn't be. I wish we lived in a world with unfiltered thoughts. Till then, poems like these help to pour ourselves into!

Hey I am here to leave you a review

I loved everything about this poem. I loved the effects you made with the two opposites and how you managed to portray that with the use of strikeouts. At first i was going to comment on the lack of punctuation and stanzas however in this case I think its good that there isn't any because the lines are more like thoughts and raw emotion rather then a monologue or dialogue that a persona would have.
Another thing I like is that this can be interpreted in multiple ways. It can be either two separate people talking (one talking and the other thinking) or it can also be interpreted as just one person having to break away from a relationship that is either too unhealthy or because of certain situations. I would love to know how as the writer interpreted the poem or meant it to be interpreted.
Another thing I want to comment on is that the feeling of desperation at the end took my breath away. The use of the alternating strikeouts and then their significant present in the last lines reminded me of a beating heart accelerating.
I love it!
keep on writing!
~RS