The Dark

Hi callmefreak,

Firstly, I very much appreciate your avatar. I may try to find a similar one for myself, if that won't bother you. I've read several of your works now, and they all have a lot of heart. It's as though I'm getting to know you a bit through the words. Well done on that count. This work had by far the best flow of anything of yours I have read so far. I felt that your line, "The dark who has no light, brings out the worst not best," interrupts the flow of the rest of the poem, and should be rephrased if possible. Other than that, this a really excellent work. I can relate to the topic, but that also doesn't automatically mean that I will enjoy the work. I have read other works I could relate to that I didn't enjoy at all because they were so poorly written. That said, well done in all ways.

Tigershark

As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, I can relate to this a lot. The way you use darkness as a double-edged sword and the execution makes it a lot more relatable and real. The only thing I have to say is that you don't necessarily need all of the commas. Other than that, beautifully done.

Hey, Chips here with a review!

I found it interesting how you personified darkness and stated how it can be both good and bad, your poem was consistent with the theme of darkness so it was simple to follow and understand.

However, there is always room for improvement so I have a few suggestions which may be of help to you.

Firstly, "The dark", is a phrase you repeat throughout the poem, while this repetitiveness may be intentional, it became less exciting to read as the poem went on, perhaps some variations of that phrase would be more intriguing.

"The dark is my best friend, who's there for me to hide.
The dark is my best friend, who helps to bleed out pain."

These two lines are almost the same, I think the ending of this poem could have been stronger as the poem at the moment is quite monotonous and gloomy which doesn't lead to much of a climax for the ending, which should stand out.

"The dark who has no light, brings out the worst not best."

The first half of this line is quite self-explanatory, darkness is already known as the absence of light, and the opposite of worst is already known to be best. It would have been more interesting to use unconventional ideas about darkness, its such a varied and wide topic which you can do a lot with.

The poem reads as if it were a list at times, as your always being with "The dark", then proceed to say what it does, its lacking the poetic voice and emotion needed for a poem as melancholy as this. Perhaps adding in some more metaphors or similes, because in poetry its best to "show", and not "tell".


I hope this was of help to you

Wow this is very powerful.

First of all, I'd like to say, the way you've structured it - with repetition of "The dark" at the beginning of every sentence is very effective in reinforcing your points.

You've definitely caused me to feel quite sad by what's written in this poem - because it shows you almost like the dark.. because it [shadows your ugliness] or whatever.. Makes me feel a lot of sympathy and I hope you're alright . I also wonder whether this should be age rated because it could be seen as a trigger?

I think the last two lines are what hit me hardest..

"The dark that wraps me close, lets me hold a knife to my veins.

The dark is my best friend, who helps to bleed out pain."

The gesture of doing that comes across as such a shock and terrible thing which contrasts probably to the person in the poem's perspective because {bleeding out pain} is most likely seen as a good thing.. Because it releases endorphins or something like that.

Like I say, very powerful. You can really write well - very eloquent.. If you ever want someone to talk to message me - I hope you're alright

Hey, Freak!(mind if I call you that?)
Casanova here to review your poem!!

First off, I'd like to say I really enjoyed this poem. I mean.. i understand depression more than I'd like to admit, but it always shocks me when I see some one else struggling with it as much as I do.
The next thing is.. well, your poem reminded me of two I wrote. Especially the,"holds a knife to my veins part."
I don't like to admit this but.. that's really a dark place. Somewhere no one should be.
This poem is so... dark, like there's no sense of happiness. Like depression itself
When it comes to flow, you have that down pat. It's really smooth and runs well. The only inconsistency I saw was,"ugliness," and,"best," in your rhyme flow. But that's because one is two syllables and the other one. But that could just be personal preference.
In all.. this poem was really good, an accurate imagery upon tainted emotions.
I don't know if you're feeling this yourself or not, but if you are, don't take the blade up. Find someone to talk to. My ears are always open.
I hope to see more from you!
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron