Young Writers Society

LOL, I love this! It's awesome and I agree with Remington38--ME WANTS CHOCOLATE NOW. I always want chocolate, though, so yeah... . The twist at the end was surprising and funny. I can only imagine how great this would be if I saw you busking in the streets of NYC (pretty close to me) and rapping this song. You should try imagining that... it's hilarious!

Hello!!!
I saw the title of this and honestly had to read it. This make me laugh so much. I admire your rhyming skills and loved how creatively it was put together. It made me hungry too now I want chocolate. I like the twist at the end it was really funny but sad at the same time. A life without kit Kats would be really sad. Although there are better chocolates to fill that emptiness. I really liked this overall.

Hey there! This poem made me chuckle - the rhyme you've used in your poetry is quite amusing.. Like when you put "ies" on the end of each word in the first stanza.. That was quite cool - made me think of Dappy (if ya know him) like a rap - I'm not sure why but hey hooo!

You say they're like a "warm snack" - what melted? Coz that's kinda gross when it goes all sticky on ya.. Unless you're dipping marshmellows into it.. Then that's a different story!
Also, must agree they are better than Big Mac's - not a fan of burgers myself.

I like how you put "all MINE" and the capitalization made it quite humorous and sooo possessive over something sooo minor

And what made me chuckle even more is the last sentence

"But I've never tried them"

You could interpret that in so many ways... Like you could be sarcastic as you clearly show how big of a fan you are of these kit kats - in such a creative way by the way! ORRRRR you could say that you're bigging them up so much because kitkats are so "mainstream"" right now (eventhough I don't think they are...not in England anyway xD) and like eventhough you haven't tried them you want to fit in with the crowds not causing "mayhem" and avoiding "punch-ies"....That's quite ambiguous to me unless i'M OVERTHINKING THINGS AS PER USUAL.. sorry I didn't realise it was caps and I'm just gunna leave it there coz why not xD.

sO yeah overall really awesome - your sense of humor is awesome! Write moreeee !



Lauren

Hey CallMeFreak,

Very cute poem. I liked the twist at the end.

Overall, I feel like you're really playing with rhyme in a creative way. You're using rhyme, and yet you're also teasing at it. You've got a good sense of how it's used and you really seem to understand the problems that rhymes face. I like that you didn't break out of words aside from the first stanza.

I do think you could improve this however. Give us a sense of how you're reading it, add in commas, take away capitalization that's not at the beginning of sentences, and see how you like the overall looks of the poem. I always think of raps as a renegade thing, so having this line capitalized [caps at the beginning of every line] just doesn't seem to fit in my wheelhouse. It's sort of like you forgot to play with that bit. I'd like to see you explore other options with your capitalization and punctuation both. Try punctuating as you talk, or rap, this out and see what the differences are. You could be pleasantly surprised and we'll get a better sense of how to read this.

So, overall, good poem, but I'd like more attention to your punctuation and capitalization. It's a stylistic choice in the end, but I think you'd find it worthwhile to explore.

-Aley

This rap identifies with my personality on levels that I don't think anyone can understand. XD

This was hilarious. First of all, I really loved this line.

"people steal the bunch-ies

And so I punch-ies"

That's hilarious. I just REALLY like this. It's amazing. How did you even come up with this? I suppose this isn't really a review, but I can't review songs, but I thought you have to know how amazing this is. This is awesome, so now you know. Thanks for making my day!