If wishes were granted
And I was lucky with three
Magic ones would surround me
That'd make me happy
No matter where they came from
I'd get those wishes, three
Build my life around them
Listen and trust me
And if this ever happens
You know what I'd do
I'd fall asleep every night
And hope they'd come true
I'd first wish for you
To love me once more
We could fall in love again
And see what's in store
We'd be dating like we used to
And make memories
Have trust and love
Encompass us, you and me
And if this ever happens
You know what I'd do
I'd daydream every afternoon
And I'd think of you
My next would have to be
Getting married to you
I'd cry at the wedding
We'd kiss and dance too
Maybe find a house, settle down
Learn to live together
But baby please don't worry
I'd choose you forever
And if this ever happens
You know what I'd do
I'd wake up every morning
And I would hug you
Finally comes the third
Growing old with you
Have kids to love and raise
See life unfold, anew
And if this ever happens
You know what I'd do
In sickness and in health
I would love you
To have and to hold
In struggles we'd face
For better or worse
In a good or bad place
To love and to cherish
Till death do us part
For richer or poorer
You'll have my heart
And if this ever happens
If if ever comes true
I'd sing you this song
And I would love you
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Hello
I may be a little late reviewing this, but I thought I would stop by and give you some imput. Firstly, I like this poem a lot. It is whimsical and romantic and gives me a calming, rhythmic vibe that I appreciate.
"And I was lucky with three
Magic ones would surround me
That'd make me happy"
^I feel like in this stanza, you using me twice is a little too repetitive, but I'm not sure what you could use to replace it.
"And if this ever happens
If if ever comes true
I'd sing you this song
And I would love you"
^Did you mean if it ever comes true? If you did, that is a simple mistake that we all make, so I wouldn't worry about it. And if you did mean to write it like that, please let me know, I'm sorry!
Overall, I think you did a great job
Thanks for the comment, Gina!
"And if this ever happens
If it ever comes true (like a pause or - or ; could go here)
I'd sing you this song
And I would love you"
Have a nice day!!
Aw man this was such a sweet poem! I hope you get the life you want with this person. Also, I think the rhymes and the rhythms worked out so well. That being said, let's get into the review!
So first thing is I think you could make your poem easier to follow I'd add punctuation.Without it, I wasn't able to figure out where certain sentences/ ideas startand end.
Next is that you should try changing "encompass us, you and me" to "encompass us, me and you" because the you would rhyme with the "to" in the first line of the stanza.
In "you know what I'd do" (this is the punctuation thing again), are you asking "you know what I'd do?" Or are you saying "you'd know what I'd do."
In "and make memories" you could try saying "making memories". It's the same amount of syllables, so the rhythm stays, but it stresses the "make" part. I thought it just flowed better.
Well, that's all! I hope this was helpful.
Aw man this was such a sweet poem! I hope you get the life you want with this person. Also, I think the rhymes and the rhythms worked out so well. That being said, let's get into the review!
So first thing is I think you could make your poem easier to follow I'd add punctuation.Without it, I wasn't able to figure out where certain sentences/ ideas startand end.
Next is that you should try changing "encompass us, you and me" to "encompass us, me and you" because the you would rhyme with the "to" in the first line of the stanza.
In "you know what I'd do" (this is the punctuation thing again), are you asking "you know what I'd do?" Or are you saying "you'd know what I'd do."
In "and make memories" you could try saying "making memories". It's the same amount of syllables, so the rhythm stays, but it stresses the "make" part. I thought it just flowed better.
Well, that's all! I hope this was helpful.
I checked the line with "encompass" in it, but it has to be "you and me" to rhyme with "memories" that fits the rhyme scene. I'm not asking "you know what I'd do?", just putting it as a soft spoken statement. But I probably need punctuation. Glad you enjoyed! Have a wonderful day!