Young Writers Society

Hello I may be a little late reviewing this, but I thought I would stop by and give you some imput. Firstly, I like this poem a lot. It is whimsical and romantic and gives me a calming, rhythmic vibe that I appreciate.

"And I was lucky with three
Magic ones would surround me
That'd make me happy"
^I feel like in this stanza, you using me twice is a little too repetitive, but I'm not sure what you could use to replace it.


"And if this ever happens
If if ever comes true
I'd sing you this song
And I would love you"
^Did you mean if it ever comes true? If you did, that is a simple mistake that we all make, so I wouldn't worry about it. And if you did mean to write it like that, please let me know, I'm sorry!

Overall, I think you did a great job

Aw man this was such a sweet poem! I hope you get the life you want with this person. Also, I think the rhymes and the rhythms worked out so well. That being said, let's get into the review!

So first thing is I think you could make your poem easier to follow I'd add punctuation.Without it, I wasn't able to figure out where certain sentences/ ideas startand end.

Next is that you should try changing "encompass us, you and me" to "encompass us, me and you" because the you would rhyme with the "to" in the first line of the stanza.

In "you know what I'd do" (this is the punctuation thing again), are you asking "you know what I'd do?" Or are you saying "you'd know what I'd do."

In "and make memories" you could try saying "making memories". It's the same amount of syllables, so the rhythm stays, but it stresses the "make" part. I thought it just flowed better.

Well, that's all! I hope this was helpful.

Aw man this was such a sweet poem! I hope you get the life you want with this person. Also, I think the rhymes and the rhythms worked out so well. That being said, let's get into the review!

So first thing is I think you could make your poem easier to follow I'd add punctuation.Without it, I wasn't able to figure out where certain sentences/ ideas startand end.

Next is that you should try changing "encompass us, you and me" to "encompass us, me and you" because the you would rhyme with the "to" in the first line of the stanza.

In "you know what I'd do" (this is the punctuation thing again), are you asking "you know what I'd do?" Or are you saying "you'd know what I'd do."

In "and make memories" you could try saying "making memories". It's the same amount of syllables, so the rhythm stays, but it stresses the "make" part. I thought it just flowed better.

Well, that's all! I hope this was helpful.