thoughts of a genderfluid

Hi, I'm Joe.

First of all, if this poem is in fact from your own personal experiences, I want to offer my ear and support. If you ever need anyone to talk to, my inbox is always open. It's a hard journey and everyone needs people on their team.

On to the poem, the first impression I get is that it is utterly honest, which is ironic considering the content is about secrets. You bear your heart here. This kind of sincerity is magnetic and adds a whole new dimension to the piece, setting it apart as a unique experience which is real and personal.

You can't synthesize that.

I have just a couple constructive comments. First, in the title, you say "thoughts of a genderfluid". It's hard for me to tell if it was done intentionally, but genderfluid is an adjective and not a noun so the title feels incomplete; it's like if it were titled "thoughts of a blue" or "thoughts of a round". It's poetic in its own sense, but also makes me feel like it's missing something. Could it be the thoughts of a genderfluid... teenager? Ninth grader? Christian? Wanderer? Or maybe just a ________?
Second, I feel like more specific language could really enhance the narrative of the poem. These two lines hit hard:

[quote]don't pay attention to those queers, her mother said.

more gays and lesbians at school, murmured her brother.[quote]

I think if you could incorporate more quotes from the people in your life, it would dramatically increase the impact of the piece. Remember: your personal experience is the backbone here. Use it!

You've done an excellent job with the formatting of the piece, giving it a solid flow and pace. The use of ellipses and the single strikeout punctuate particular thoughts.

If there's anything specific you're looking for feedback on, let me know. Keep writing. You're good at it.

Joe

Thanks for sharing. I can definitely sense the pain caused by such a dilemma. For many person's it isn't a matter of choosing to feel the way they do. For some it is the way they were born. So to tell the person otherwise in such cases is unjustifiable.

Suggestion: I would try to keep it in one POV.

Hi! Space here for a review!
I absolutely LOVE this poem! I know the inner struggles of the protagonist myself, being a genderqueer person in a family where the grandparents are Christian and homophobic/transphobic and some others are homophobic/transphobic.

I love the phrasing and description, you did a great job helping the reader feel the protagonists feelings. It also brings awareness to this problem and how it could affect teens and kids who do happen to be queer.

Great job on this poem! I enjoyed it.


-Space

OMG YES!

I love love love this poem so much! I admire the way you formatted this, it really does emphasize the poem’s meaning greatly!

This really speaks to the current problems of sexuality in our society today. Nowadays, people keep being taught to JUDGE every single thing about a person, instead of teaching the important value of ACCEPTANCE.

I hope to see more work from you! Keep up the good writing. :>

YES YES YES!
Ok, this just hit me. Right there you know? (Imagine me pounding my heart/chest area) I love the way you formatted this, especially here "her heart was b r e a k i n g," and here "in the boys section." (my damn computer won't let me do the crossy outy thing).
AGH I CAN'T FOCUS THIS IS TOO GOOD
This really sums up how so many people in our community feel about who they are. They've been taught differently, that being different is bad. But it's not. I myself am discovering my sexuality as well and I really connect with the meaning of this poem.
Don't let anyone bring you down girl. Today, you are you, this is truer than true, there is no one alive that is youer than you. (yes I just used a Doctor Suess quote)

Keep writing!!!!!!!!!
-Niko

I'm also gender fluid. If you need a chat, I'm here.