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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey there, pizzaroll! I'll be reviewing your work this review day.
I would like to start off by saying this is a very wonderful topic to write about. I've seen many pieces dedicated to this concept, and I'm sure many people -- if not all -- can relate to this. Let me offer a few suggestions!
I don't see the point of the word "messy". I guess you want to hint that this is a "flaw" or something like that, but I wouldn't use messy to describe it.
I love this part. What wonderful imagery. <3
With all of the use of adjectives, I would add in commas here. If you don't want punctuation, try breaking the adjectives up in separate lines.
This line is powerful. Not that it's good. It's actually the opposite -- it shows how society and social media really affects our everyday life. How we become self conscious and all those mixed feelings.
I'm confused with these two lines? Is it saying how the scars have faded but the pain is still there? If so, I feel like there could be a clearer way of saying this, but still in a way that makes the reader look and inspect (a little).
I appreciate this last stanza in the box, where the narrator (you ?) finally realizes that they are not alone.
I really enjoyed this poem. It just shows the impact of every comment, whether negative or positive, changes people's look on life. That was my take away. This is really deep for me, and I hope a lot of other people, too.
I love your use of format. At some areas (such as the last two lines) the color was a little overwhelming, but in other areas it was fine. It does impact the poem, though. As far as the rest of the formatting, it was good. The last stanza felt a little awkward how it was so small and right in the center outside of the box, even though that is probably just my opinion.
I hope this review helped! Please let me know if you have any questions!
neptune
Hiya! This is a great poem, and the wording of your scars and birthmarks really touches me. To me, i feel like the speaker is embarrassed that he/she has all those because of how they were structured inside the box. That's my opinion anyway.
The last two stanzas should've been switched by the "for now I overcome my pain" because that goes toward the last four lines outside the box.
I agree how flaws are a part of us. Flaws come from our experiences and they shape our identity. Great job!
Hey there! Firstly, thank you for writing something that many people would greatly benefit from reading (a personal thank you for reminding me that our flaws don't make us any less beautiful). I absolutely love what you did with the format, in fact you in a round about way inspired me to try something new (99% of my poetry is aabb). I only have two suggestions and they are as follows:
In the last two stanzas of your poem in the boxes, I feel like they should be switched around. Because of the format, all of your stanzas bring up some insecurity, but the second to last ends with (for now i overcome my pain), i feel like that fits better as the last thing said before your final 4 lines.
In the last two lines, "i am my flaws and i am beautiful" I really don't feel like you're getting your message across well by saying you are your flaws. We aren't our flaws and they don't make us who we are, though they are apart of us. Purely my own personal opinion.
But that's it, I'm honestly very touched by this poem. Freeverse normally isn't my choice of poetry, but you really truly have a way with words, that they flow very well without rhyme. Great job! I hope to read more of your work soon
Keep writing,
-Katja