Young Writers Society

Hey there, I'm dramamine and I guess this is the part where I start my review (be warned though I haven't reviewed in a while so I'm a bit rusty).

Okay so to begin there were some ideas and phrases in this poem that I really liked. For example when you talk about reality being a black hole of a prison and music becoming your medicine (which is something I can definitely relate to). Here comes the hard part, now I have to be completely and utterly honest even though it is an extremely sensitive subject matter that this poem covers and which is, I'm assuming, what you're going through right now I just found this poem on the whole to be a bit cliche and bland in some aspects. I apologize if I offended you but every poem can be improved.

Some of the phrases in here just didn't make me feel anything, they're just kind of there taking up space but not really saying anything worthwhile or new. I can tell that you have talent but I feel that talent is not being utilized to the best of its ability. I hate to be like this considering that is poem is obviously very personal but it just didn't really strike a chord with me. However, overall, I did like this piece. I hope for you to keep improving upon your writing skills and please never stop writing. Also I'm sorry for what you're going through as I've gone through similar experiences and I know you're probably sick of hearing this but it does get better. No matter what you choose to believe.

Have a great day and don't stop writing

Hello, hello! My name is Gummy and I'm here to review your work! I'll skip the chit chat and cut right into the chase... Oh, I'm sorry, that was a taboo phrase, wasn't it?

A--Anyway, I want to highlight the good parts of this piece before I start playing hardball. First off, I love how you made symbols out of the colors red and black, rather than just referencing them to the color of the speaker's outfits. Speaking of which, my favorite line was:

"Reality, I realized, is a black hole of a prison."

In this line, the reader can easily identify the metaphor that compares reality to a black hole, while also sneaking in another reference to the color black as well as the fact that nothing can escape the pull of a black hole. One of the best metaphors I've seen on this site in a very long while.

As for the little things that don't really click when it comes to the poem, I could identify this one line that stuck out from among the others:

"Glue couldn't fix my brokenness, so I threw it in the trash where I belonged."

What does the speaker need glue for, I ask. I would say that the speaker is trying to glue their wounds shut, but the very first line of the poem tells me that the speaker is at least competent enough to use Band-Aids instead. The next line I wanted to point out comes directly afterwards.

"2 AM was my normal, crying and writing those awful goodbye letters."

This line, to be blunt, doesn't make much, if any, grammatical sense. I mean, I can get the gist of the message that the line is supposed to convey, but the line itself is grammatically all over the place. If you can revise that line, it would be an even better read than what it now is.

That's about it for now. I hope to see you in the Green Room sometime again! Also, I'm not going to tell you to go see a doctor, but I'm going to be selfish and ask that you express yourself like this more often: I get to review your stuff and you get a pretty good way of expressing what you really feel. Poetry is an amazing tool, and I'm glad you know how to use it satisfactorily. I'll see you eventually, then! Take care!

~Gummy

Heya, Freak! Casanova here for a review!

The first thing I noticed about this poem was that it was a bit unusual. It didn't begin, nor end, in regular poem format and I actually kinda like that.
The over idea was good, really impressive how you put it. But what.. What exactly is it you're trying to portray?
Anyway, even with the best of things there have bound to be flaws(Well, not really flaws but personal nit picks) So, here goes! I don't bite(Too hard! Then again, I've reviewed you before )
"I knew the Band-Aids were too small

To cover my red skin

Yet I put them on anyways and wore extra bracelets."
In these lines it seems as if you should add a comma or end the sentence half way. It's a run on and kinda defeats the flow.
Punctuation is the first thing that I notice being wrong, but it seems you've been working on!
I'll say something that my old Algebra One teacher used to tell me.
"Repetition impresses facts upon dull minds." This basically means the more you work at it, the more you try at it, the better you will get.
I think that is how most people become good, and most people succeed. You're good now, that's true, but you can get even better with time and effort.
Now, this one isn't really a nitpick, but something I thought would be cool.
In the ending sentence,"And so I walked among the shadows." I think it would be great if you capitalized,"I Walked Among the Shadows." That's really just something I thought would be cool.
Anyway- I probs could've come up with more but I'll leave it at that for now.
I hope to see more from you.
Sincerely- Matthew Casanova Aaron.