He was the ocean,
and I was just a girl,
who loved the waves,
but was terrified
to swim.
He was the land,
and I was just a girl,
who traversed every path,
but was terrified
to fall.
He was the sun,
and I was just a girl,
who loved the sunshine,
but was terrified
to block him out.
He was the stars,
and I was just a girl,
who loved the bright spirals,
but was terrified
to make him burn.
He was pure life
and I was just a girl,
who couldn't love anymore,
but was terrified
to let him go.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey there screamingsloth! I've gotta tell you I really really loved your poem! It really reminded me of my favourite series "the grey wolves" which has this really really really intense love that no human can ever imagine having. It's such a lovely poem... It expresses the depth of love the girl feels for him... Because it takes a lot of love to sacrifice things and be with someone... But it takes a lot lot lot more of love to sacrifice your love for someone and let them go... Just to see them happy. Your poem conveyed that feeling immensely and it had a great lot of emotions beneath. I just wanna come over and give you a big hug because I'm a real lover for such intense love novels, poems, and lyrics. I don't really care if they're cliché or anything I just love them...
I love the last few lines:
He was pure life
and I was just a girl,
who couldn't love anymore,
but was terrified
to let him go.
These lines remind me of this famous line from the movie SpiderMan when he says to Gwen
"I think it's time to let go, not because I don't love you but p because I actually do."
Keep up the good work and please write more poems like this!
XOXO
GirlWithATypewriter
Thank you! I love your positive & upbeat review!
Hey there screamingsloth! I've gotta tell you I really really loved your poem! It really reminded me of my favourite series "the grey wolves" which has this really really really intense love that no human can ever imagine having. It's such a lovely poem... It expresses the depth of love the girl feels for him... Because it takes a lot of love to sacrifice things and be with someone... But it takes a lot lot lot more of love to sacrifice your love for someone and let them go... Just to see them happy. Your poem conveyed that feeling immensely and it had a great lot of emotions beneath. I just wanna come over and give you a big hug because I'm a real lover for such intense love novels, poems, and lyrics. I don't really care if they're cliché or anything I just love them...
I love the last few lines:
He was pure life
and I was just a girl,
who couldn't love anymore,
but was terrified
to let him go.
These lines remind me of this famous line from the movie SpiderMan when he says to Gwen
"I think it's time to let go, not because I don't love you but p because I actually do."
Keep up the good work and please write more poems like this!
XOXO
GirlWithATypewriter
Hey there screamingsloth! I've gotta tell you I really really loved your poem! It really reminded me of my favourite series "the grey wolves" which has this really really really intense love that no human can ever imagine having. It's such a lovely poem... It expresses the depth of love the girl feels for him... Because it takes a lot of love to sacrifice things and be with someone... But it takes a lot lot lot more of love to sacrifice your love for someone and let them go... Just to see them happy. Your poem conveyed that feeling immensely and it had a great lot of emotions beneath. I just wanna come over and give you a big hug because I'm a real lover for such intense love novels, poems, and lyrics. I don't really care if they're cliché or anything I just love them...
I love the last few lines:
He was pure life
and I was just a girl,
who couldn't love anymore,
but was terrified
to let him go.
These lines remind me of this famous line from the movie SpiderMan when he says to Gwen
"I think it's time to let go, not because I don't love you but p because I actually do."
Keep up the good work and please write more poems like this!
XOXO
GirlWithATypewriter
Heya, screamingsloth! It's Saruka here to review your poem and hopefully be helpful :3
You wrote several times about the girl afraid to do something to the boy, but when you said,
And humans can't make stars burn, it's just a thing that happens. Try and fix this to make it something that this girl can control.
The last stanza seems to reveal to the reader the real story, so I would try to reword it like so;
"He was pure life /and I just a girl,/who couldn't love anymore,/but was terrified /to let him go."
to give it a different feel than the rest.
Other than that, I thought your poem was simply beautiful and captured real feelings quite well. The rhythm and style worked well together. Great job. Keep writing!
Saru
Hey there! It's me, Mockingjay78 again! Can I just start out by saying that I really really like your poems?!
. Now, lets start! So if you've read my first review, you'll know that I really liked that poem. I really like this one as well. 
. I don't really have many suggestions, just add a few small words in some of the verses.
"He was the land,
and I was just a girl,
who traversed every path,
but was terrified
to fall."
On this verse, I would just change "land" to 'earth or world'. Personally, I think earth would work the best. So;
"He was the earth (or world)
And I was just a girl,
Who traversed every path,
But was terrified to fall."
That's all I have to say. I love the way this poem flows. I like how in all of your poems, you capture so much feeling. I really really like this and can't wait to read more!
Awe thanks. I appreciate this