If only you knew -
How I would break myself
into a thousand pieces
for you.
How I'd take the fall for you,
any day,
so you wouldn't be to blame or get hurt.
If only you knew -
When I would dream of the story of us,
together in dreamworld,
and apart in reality.
When I wanted to hold your hand,
kiss your lips, hug your body,
and make you smile.
If only you knew -
Who I would lust for in all the right ways,
wishing upon stars and crossing fingers,
a hope to be yours.
Who I'd yearn for to feel safe and warm
wondering if that person found out
that it was you.
If only you knew -
What I wanted, needed, craved for us.
A life built by teenage romance,
and constructed by forever love.
What I would do to make you happy,
dry your tears, calm your anger,
and give you the happiest memories.
If only, if only you knew.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,254 Literary Works • 673,071 Reviews
Hai Screamingsloth,
Wonderful, just wonderful!!! I absolutely love the romance. I love that you are able to create such a clear picture of what's going on. There are some moments in this poem that lack detail but that is a very common problem so, you're not alone. So far I love the structure it's nice and organized. I can tell that as a writer you have some really lit skills. A lot of people in this world wouldn't have been able to explain moments in this poem so deep if they haven't felt it. To be honest I don't think anyone would. My point is you have a very rare talent and to excel is to keep on going and adding more and more into your poems so they really come to life. Your a great writer I would love to see more!!! Keep Writing poetry!
Nidkits
Thanks so much!
Hi! Whatcha here for a review!
Okay, really cool ... I do love romance stories
Maybe you could change 'If only you knew' up a bit? Like, 'if only you were aware', or 'if only you realized', stuff like that. 'If only you knew' will start to lose it's meaning if you keep saying it.
I would keep the last line, though. The 'if only, if only' really strikes a chord for me.
Just a little question, 'wondering if that person found out that it was you' doesn't make sense to me. Who is 'that person'? I may just be misunderstanding it.
And that's it
But really, truly? Great poem! Keep writing!
Thank you for the review!
you're welcome
Haha I'm back
Seriously though, you're really good at poetry. This almost hits home - relationship troubles suck. There is a lot of emotive language involved, like the "yearn" and "lust".
I like how you have wrote the feelings a minority (or majority?) of people have. The quote " teenage romance" makes people either remember their teenage love, or think about it as it currently happens.
The usage of "you" is also effective because it engages the reader. This causes us to think that someone could feel like that about us, or consider the things they'd do for someone else. (I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense). There's also a sense of longing and melancholy... This definitely makes people think more.
I am 100% convinced to read more of your poetry after these two poems of yours I've read!!
it is a current teenage love haha I'm not like 30 reminiscing on my shabby crappy love but thank you!!
Haha!
Teenage love isn't the best when people try to ruin it. Currently I'm living a teenage love crisis but I hope all is good for you! 