Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
When I'm high, stay away
When I'm low, don't go
*
Feeling so blue
And I can't tell you
I'm empty
I'm empty
*
So, either stay or either leave
Hold my hand right through it
If you walk out without a goodbye
I'll believe I blew it
*
But if you sit there and judge me
Point a finger for them to see
You have just held up a gun
And caused the death of me
*
When I'm sorry, believe me
When I'm angry, forgive me
*
Feeling so frustrated
Can't tell you that I hate it
I'm empty
I'm emptyyy
*
Better drink myself to passing out
Rake my arms with the blades
Tear myself apart and fly
I'm on a surge and I'm afraid
*
I'm afraid to keep on living
I'm afraid to doubt my dreams
Full of hate and full of sorrow
I can't carry on with the extremes
*
When I'm die, don't cry
When I'm gone, move on
*
Feeling like a fading mist
Can't tell you I don't exist
I'm empty
I'm empty
*
So
Very
Empty...
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126,184 Literary Works • 672,935 Reviews
Songs about feeling depressed/suicidal/etc. are hard to do well without either overdone or sad just for the sake of being sad. This song has neither of those problems. And I know this is one of the most cliched compliments out there, but it's important for songs: this piece flows well. The only exception to that is the repetition of the phrase "I'm afraid" with "I'm on a surge and I'm afraid/I'm afraid to keep on living", which might sound awkward when sung, so I might change the line "I'm on a surge and I'm afraid" to something else, or perhaps just change "I'm afraid" to "I'm dismayed" or "I've decayed" or...the rhyme of your choice.
Well done!
A very nice song, I could definitely hear it with music. Again, I know a lot of people would be able to relate to this. The idea of being so alone but afraid to hold other people down with what you think are "trivial" feelings. It's hard to admit you need help without fearing that your presence itself is an inconvenience. It also hits the idea of just how hard other's opinions can hurt, the part when talking about holding a gun, especially with people who struggle with depression. Sometimes the smallest of things can kill someone from the inside out. It's a nice, simple piece.
Thank you for commenting!
Hello, hello, hello again! (I can call you freak right?)
Casanova here to review!
Anyway, I didn't read who posted this, but as soon as I read through it I knew who's work it was. Very.. original work, my friend. And I don't say that lightly.
Anyway, first off I did like this song to an extent. I prefer hip-hop over anything(I'm being biased I apologize) but it was good.
But.. with every critic there is some bad, but it's not too harsh!
The first thing I noticed was just a pet peeve of mine. Your rhyme was a bit off. In one sect you'd have fluent rhymes like,"When I'm low, don't go." But in another you'd have non fluent ones like,"I'm on a surge and I'm afraid, I'm afraid to keep living."
The next thing i noticed is something I've been jumped over a thousand times. Punctuation! I don't know where the pauses are or if it's continuous.
Again .. I really like your word choices, and this was perfect imagery. You have emotion, I'll give you that. You're definitely not lacking passion
Anyway, I hope this helps some. I really don't have much to critique. I love your wiring. I hope to see more from you soon!!
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
Yes, you can call me Freak. I chose to not use punctuation in this poem, just cause its a style I often refer to. Thank you for your review!
No problem!