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139,430 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Wow, I liked this! Great job!
I am truly shocked to know that this was a true story. The writing completely captures the feel that you must have felt in this situation (Supposing it was you). Near the end of the poem, my heart, literally, started beating faster and I could feel like the terrified main character. An over all fantastic tale! Keep it up!
Hmm... I think the poem is only powerful with the introductory paragraph. I think in the poem you may want to expand more on who these former quarterbacks are. Also, it might be good to talk about who the narrator of your poem is somewhere because his identity is not known from just the poem. You have the introductory paragraph to figure that out.
Hope that helps!
Over-all, I really liked this poem. Other than the few commas/semi-colons there weren't any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes. That really adds to a poem! (Have you ever tried reading a poem with a ton of grammar mistakes? Yikes!) You took time to set the scene and built up to the climax which many young poets don't do. The story here was deep as well, and I could tell that you feel strongly about the topic of bullying. Great job; keep writing!
~Lukan
wow, really good
only fault being this;
obviously that was just one part, but it shows throughout.
Other than that very good
keep up the writing
~ Tinkem